Thursday, March 31, 2005

more new meds....

My neuro gave me some more new meds. I'm a lil nervous about the one. She gave me one for my memory and then she gave me Adderall, which is just like Ritalin. She says it will help with my fatigue. I've tried Provogil and Amantadine and they just made me more tired. So they were kinda pointless.

I finally took one of my sleeping pills last night...I needed to have not slept very good in weeks. Let me tell ya I slept great last night did not wanna get up this morning. So I think I am gonna take it every night like my neuro told me to. It just scared me that I was gonna be addicted.

I also got the green light for physical therapy. Occupational and Physical. I dod not like OT they are so annoying making me shuffle cards and screw nuts and bolts together and playing with clay. That is so f-ing annoying.

So that is the latest up date.

Monday, March 28, 2005

a poem...

My life with MS

MS is a silent world of fears
it can be crazy
living with Ms I always shed tears
I used to be active but now have to be lazy

I love the days I can walk
and the days I feel great
the days where my words make sense when I talk
but then there are the days I hate

when i don't know what to expect
when I am full of fear
when only god knows what's next
I pray it is not the wheelchair

I now look forward to tomorrow
to see the good in all the bad
I refuse to be overcome with sorrow
I refuse to be sad

I am living now to be happy
not blue
the way it is supposed to be
I have MS, yes that is true
but the most important thing MS doesn't have me!

Amanda Sue France
Copyright ©2004 Amanda Sue France

isn't she too perfect?? Posted by Hello

my pretty lil girl Posted by Hello

Friday, March 25, 2005

I have had better times better days.....

it has been so horrible lately...My MS is outta control and it feels like I am all alone in this big world. I feel like I am dealing with the weight of the world all alone like my mistakes could end it all. I can not hardly take care of my children any more. My mom and sister have been a god send though they really have been there for me. I have my moments when I am so angry like why isn't anyone else here helping me??? That i know is selfish...i feel bad for that. I just need to get more of a positive attitude....but put your self in my shoes and see how damn positive u are. I have thought some horrible thoughts lately very horrible. What is the point in going on??? I can't do anything for anyone.....

Friday, March 04, 2005

I was so sad and embarassed....

I had a really bad bad night to say the least. Yesterday was the clearest day we have had in forever so I told my hubby I wanted to go to the store we had movies we had to take back and I had to get diapers and a b-day present for my dad. I also had to get milk I was out. So I first went to the grocery store to get the milk....well the problem is when I have shoes on any shoes my ankle twists on me and my leg starts to give out. Pisses me off but really there is nothing that I can do about it...it's the MS shit. Which considering it has been 2 weeks like this I think that this may be one of the attacks that are not gonna go away. So anyway made it out of the grocery store and then went to the "diaper" store. Well I should say I tried to go to the diaper store....I got out of the car walked aroung the fron ot it and my leg gave out on me and "BAM" down I went right to my knees. I just started crying not because it hurt and not really because I was embarassed...but because I was mad sad pissed everything but embarassed. WHY ME??? Is all I could think Why do I have to have MS and why does it always have to mess me up????????????? So needless to say I could not go into the store busted up my knee, sprained my ankle, and my hand got a lil scraped up. So my hubby had to go into the store. Do you know how worthless that made me feel? I just got back in the car and cried. I cried all the way home. I felt and still do like a a horrible mom. I decided I am not going anywhere ever again that was just the last that I can handle. I don't know what to do anymore?? I don't feel like I am worth anything to anyone anymore!!! I GIVE UP!!!!!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

guess what not much change....

Well there is not really much change in my pain....not surprised!!! My doc. upped my neurontin by 400 mg at night for 3 nights then 400 during the afternoon for 3 days, then 400 in the late morning for 3 days then finally 400 in the morning for 3 days in the early morning. I take the pills 4 times a day ( well at least I'm supposed to I forget a lot) so anyway when I am done upping my meds I will be taking 2000 mg. Hopefully it will help with the pain so far it has not really. But I have to admit that I have not been listening to my doc's orders...she wanted me to basically just sit around all day...do u know how impossible that is when you have children???? and household duties..laundry,dishes,dinner, clean up everyone's mess.Oh well I gotta keep keeping on.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I'm so very disappointed.....

I'm so sad. Yesterday I got probably the worst news I have got aside from the fact that I have MS. They pulled the new MS drug from that market....I can't believe it. This was my last hope...none of the other meds are working for me. So now I just don't do anything and sit back and watch myself deteriorate.....I don't know how I am gonna deal with that...maybe it wouldn't be so hard to swallow if I was doing better right now. I can't hardly walk and that in itself is hard enuff to deal with. That is for sure. I am of course in a lot of pain still which still sucks.
If you are viewing my page PLEASE take the time to donate to People with MS at www.nmss.org Thanx!!!
Web Counters
Orbitz Coupon