Friday, March 04, 2005

I was so sad and embarassed....

I had a really bad bad night to say the least. Yesterday was the clearest day we have had in forever so I told my hubby I wanted to go to the store we had movies we had to take back and I had to get diapers and a b-day present for my dad. I also had to get milk I was out. So I first went to the grocery store to get the milk....well the problem is when I have shoes on any shoes my ankle twists on me and my leg starts to give out. Pisses me off but really there is nothing that I can do about it...it's the MS shit. Which considering it has been 2 weeks like this I think that this may be one of the attacks that are not gonna go away. So anyway made it out of the grocery store and then went to the "diaper" store. Well I should say I tried to go to the diaper store....I got out of the car walked aroung the fron ot it and my leg gave out on me and "BAM" down I went right to my knees. I just started crying not because it hurt and not really because I was embarassed...but because I was mad sad pissed everything but embarassed. WHY ME??? Is all I could think Why do I have to have MS and why does it always have to mess me up????????????? So needless to say I could not go into the store busted up my knee, sprained my ankle, and my hand got a lil scraped up. So my hubby had to go into the store. Do you know how worthless that made me feel? I just got back in the car and cried. I cried all the way home. I felt and still do like a a horrible mom. I decided I am not going anywhere ever again that was just the last that I can handle. I don't know what to do anymore?? I don't feel like I am worth anything to anyone anymore!!! I GIVE UP!!!!!

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