Friday, September 30, 2005

All is well........

Kaylee had her surgery this afternoon. We had to be at the hospital by 9:30 am to register. Her surgery was scheduled for 11:30. They took her into the surgery room about 12 or so. Was back in my arms 15 minutes later. We then went back to the 9th floor which is like the 2nd recovery floor. She was ready to leave as soon as we got up there and got her dressed. So that is what we did she was discharged and told to go eat. Man she was hungry too. So all is well and everything is back to normal..she is already fighting with her brothers who just got home.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

K update on my daughter....

Well today we went to the pediatrician. He did everything that he could do. So he then called an ENT (ear, nose, throat)specialist. The ENT said to get her there today and he would look at her. So that is what we did. He looked at her nose and said that we had 2 choices one being we could stay there and let him keep poking and prodding at her nose or number 2 we could go to Women & Children's Hospital of Buffalo in the morning for "surgery". They would put her under for less than 30 seconds and pull the thing out that she stuck in her nose. So we chose the "surgery". I trust this doctor as he is the same one that did surgery on my son Andrew 4 years ago to put tubes in his ear. Yet still a little nerve wrecked this is my 2 yr. old daughter. But I have faith that god will not let anything harm her. Please pray for her for me..Thanks!!!

Not a tic-tac this time.....

K let me explain that title. When Andrew was 2 he shoved a tic-tac up his nose. Of course I was freakin the hell out and so thankful that I was at my friend Becky's hous who jus so happens to be a very good paramedic. We got it out after just alil while, But the whole time she was "working" on him I was thinking to myself at least it's a tic-tac it will dissolve. Wahlah...she go it out. So today has a brief flash back moment. Kaylee shoved a plastic flower bead up her nose. What the heck??? So now I have to take her to the doctor and pary like hell that he can help her do not really want her to have to go to the hospital. She is already freaked out that she has to go to the DR. She loves her dr. too, I guess she knows this is different then the last few times. She has this woman's intuition stuff already. The last visit was because of pink eye no bing deal get eye drops..time before that she was allergice to her diapers and that got her to finally stop peeing her pants. So her expereinces with her dr. to her have been great. So now I am going to get dressed to go with her to the Doctor and will post the update on how it wnet with here when I get the chance later today.....

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Tired..oh so tired....

Oh my goodness this morning was horrible. I am sooooo tired. Andrew yet again did not set his alarm to get up and ready for school. So I had to get up to wake him. He thought he was going to wear shorts. Ha ha funny it was only 32 degrees out this morning when he had to go out to wait for the bus. Don't get me wrong it is my responsibility to get my son up but you know what he is 11 and has an alarm clock and can get dressed all by himself. I told him last night to make sure that his alarm was set to the buzzer and not the radio....guess what he said ok mom it is. So me stupid and nieve believed him. Why?? I don't know he lies soooo much makes me feel like I'm not raising my children correctly. You know though we all make mistakes and no one is perfect. My children are very grounded and to be honest very well behaved kids. I have no problem finding anyone to watch them for me...not that they ever are with a babysitter..but I know I could get one with the snap of a finger. So anyway today I made him make sure that the alarm was set right it is so now tomorrow I can get up kiss him good bye and go back to sleep for an hour or so until I have to get Bradley up. This morning was really awful because Bradley and Kaylee woke up. Kaylee just now fell asleep and now she is never gonna sleep tonight. Poor Bradley went to school and just told me he is really tired. So he will be easy to go to bed tonight. Andrew always is so no problem other than Kaylee. Tonight oughta be fun.
Got a call last night that made me sooooo happy. In about 6 weeks Gerrott is moving back to NY and getting the hell out of Pennsylvania. I have so much to do. I have to get him enrolled in school, go get temporary custody, and rearrange his room. It so will be worth all of it. I miss him so much. I am a little worried about the big fight I am gonna have with his Dad. he is gonna fight me all the way on the custody issue. here is the thing he has nothing on me...I have never done anything wrong legally like he has. Because Ann is leaving him he will go right back to his drinking habits and no way in hell do I want my son with his Dad if he is gonna be the drunk that I left. He knows that she is moving back to NY and he doesn't wanna come. He is already back to drinking because he knows if he doesn't come with her it is over. It is sad for them and those 8 kids that they have together but the kids miss NY and all the family that is here. I am probably gonna try to meet her in Elizabethtown which is where they live. If I can and maybe help her move some of her stuff. I hope that I can. I love Ann she is the greatest step-mother to my son. I could not ask for better. She is one hell of a woman. She takes care of 6 kids on a full time mind you one of them kids is mine... and in summer 8 kids...2 of his kids from a previous realtionship...and she has Fibromyalgia. She is one hell of a woman. Her and I are good friends. It was either hate each other and make my son't life a living hell or get along for his sake. So we chose the latter. From that a friendship bloomed. She is a great friend we talked on the phone for 3 hours last night.

Ok Here is the answer to the brain teaser from just look at the errors and add the letter that is missing. That will then give you Halloween. Kinda different I thought. So I am not gonna do riddles anymore. I might do something else who knows.

Ok I can't find the picture of me as a lemur. But i have to confess that I lied there is another photoshopped pic on my puter. There is one with my face on a llama I believe that is what it is so now I am gonna post. No rude comments. That was along day and I look like hell. It was a long day those MS walks are tiring. Not that I walked I could not even walk 5 inches let alone 5 miles at that time. I rode in my wheelchair. My dad pushed me like he does every year. ok well I give up my pics are not working. I tried.....

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


K strange title huh? Well let me explain....My MIL wrote on her blog today and was a little proud of how humorous she was today..she told me go read (we were on messenger)so ok I did. She said "So what did you THINK??" NOw to understand why I put the think that way you will have to go read her blog (Jade) I rather liked it. It was a little witty for her. I said well I wish I wrote on mine like that..she said you do. I said yeah ok whatever. She then calls me and says well all you have to do is stop complaining about the MS on hang on screech..I said but that is the whole reason I even developed my blog..she said sweetie I know but you will shock all your readers (like I have 20 million). She said then after a couple of days of being funny go back and start complaing(bitching I said) and then just bounce back and forth between the 2 different styles. That is way too much mental work for this honestly and literally brain damaged girl to try to do. So I am just gonna be my normal whiny sometimes cry-babyish loving girl. I will do what I know I am good at that is BITCHING!!! I've decided that my writingsa re just as good as hers even thought they are not funny they are good to me and that is all that matters to me. (Great Mark now you got me being really narcassistic) Thank YOU!!! I need that sometimes hell we all need that sometimes. So anyway I am just gonna do what I always do..maybe throw in a few surprises....Please scroll down to the previous post and look at #2 as I am embarassingly enuff gonna show the picture of the lemur sometime in the near future) K now off to my norm....
I am so glad that Quorry has the whole week off (aside from no paycheck this week)because he has been so sick. And like any other stubborn male that I know he was fighting me on going to the DR. Well today finally he said will you please call the doctor..I need to be seen. Oh really like hello have I not been telling you that. Anyway I called and he got in right away. He has an intestinal virul infection. So he can't even go on the BRAT DIET strictly liquid. Like if you can read through it you can be on it..with the exception of sodas they have to be flat no bubbles, no carbination. Thank god I got him off the 5 two liters of Dr.Pepper a day diet already or I would ship him off to get over his caffeine addiction. Thank god he finally just got into dirinking water more often. He likes to steal my (Dasani) water all the time too jerk!! Oh well you know he has lost like 20 lbs since I made him quit drinking so much soda?? Which is good for him in more ways then one. So now he is at his mom's doing some work for her that she can not do because of her shoulder surgery a couple months ago. He is gonna start out today doing the garage for her.
I'm gonna start something new for myself mainly too. For mental excercises which are good for my minor cognitive impairments. Today I'm gonna start with the daily brainteaser for myself to try to figure out. Then from now on will post the answer the next day. You can get these brainteasers from Braingle. They really are good for us MS people there are a ton of things for mental excercises but I think a good start for me to keep my interest is the brain teasers. Later maybe I will move on to bigger stuff.

As you are reading this message, you will notice some spelling errors.
Do not be frigtened, however. This is how you must anelyze: First, find al of the missing, repeated, or incorrect letters
Second, alow yurself to look at these and look at the wword that is represinted
Finally, tell me a numbur that most commonnly is associated with the word
Good Luck

Monday, September 26, 2005

Stolen Goods ( stolen property isn't as good with the thief is it??).......(thnx Mark)

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog? I always try to look good when I go to the grocery store just because well it is pretty much my social gathering pond

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered? okay the only photoshopped pics even on my puter are ones of my face on a lemur from the Buffalo Zoo because I took tons of pictures there from the MS Walk and everyone thought it would be funny to see me as a lemur

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you? Well I just got a new e-mail addy so don't get many emails at all yet..if this answers changes in the future I will update it...but FYI..if it were true I would like it at least then I would have someone the same as me to chat with

4. Do you lie in your blog?Oh no way no freakin how (she tries typing with her long ass nose in the way) I don't really think I lie so much as I definitely over exxagerate..but don't lie

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog? What do you think???

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop? do this purely for self release...don't care if others like it or not to be honest

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping? No I am not in therapy (mental) anyway.....

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones? I have never gotten a mean one yet anyway....No I do not fake nice ones I have so many cute nice guys leaving me enough nice ones I don not need to fake them (LOL)

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after? Nope definitely not

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less? Honestly I think they would like me less...I am usually a really crabby sometimes mean bitch

11. Do you have a job? Yes My title is Domestic Diva

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it? Oh probably a real salary how could I pass that one up??

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life? Oh gosh there are now just new found bloggers to me...but probably Dave would be on the top of my list because I do owe him a nice pinch on the (that cute little) ass of his

14. Which bloggers have you made out with? None :(

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have? I don't think I act like money anything?? Money is just a tangible stupid object

16. Does your family read your blog? My mother-in-law Jade is the only one

17. How old is your blog? Not even a year old yet still in diapers and on a bottle

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care? I have no freakin clue and could care less

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar? Well if I told you that it would not be a secret and I would have to kill you

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing? Nope don't recall that

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes? i don't earn money but if I did no way....the government has screwed me so much in my short life span I would like to return the favor

22. Is blogging narcissistic? Hmmmm...Look at the title of MY blog it is MY Complications....amanda's rants and raves, where I talk about MY no it is not

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time? Nope.... should I???

24. Do you like John Mayer? Who??

.25. Do you have enemies? I sure as hell hope not and if I do don't really are because I am one tough bitch

26. Are you lonely? Oh god NO!!! I need more me ( I am not a narcissist I sware) time

27. Why bother? Just fun to do more fun then my normal laundry and dishes

28. Favorite Blogging Tip Do what you set out to do with your blogging

Sunday, September 25, 2005

a weird concept??

There is no need for an introduction on this post..just thought everyone would get a kick out of it!!!!

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Great say the least......

Today at the Copaxone sponsored seminar I had such a great time. I met Shelly. It was kinda funny because the plan all week has been for me to call her cell from mine when I got there. I live like an hour or so from where it was where Shelly lives less than 5 minutes. So My mom and I got there like 20 minutes early and I called Shelly's cell 15 min. before the seminar was to start. I was a little dissapointed when I got her voice mail. So my mom and I went into the nice little "conference hall". Now I remembered that Shelly and I gave a brief description of ourselves to find each other this was before we came up with the brilliant idea of both of us having cell phones..anyway I remeber Shelly saying she has blonde curly,curly hair. When we got inside I looked for that description and saw someone matching that standing behind me and thought not my luck. Got our little "gift" bags that included a visor, Copaxone pens, Water bottles, lotion, and a sticky pad. We went into the room and sat and then all of a sudden the blonde woman that was standing behind me said "Are you Amanda?" I of course said Yes, " Are you Shelly?" She said yes. Then we sat there and talked until the first speaker was speaking. We had a nice brunch provided to us by the we had plenty of talk time. We decided that we would try to meet up now as often as possible.
The first speaker was Bianca Weinstock-Guttman, MD. She spoke mainly of the clinical aspect of MS. She spoke some on the return of tysabri to our MS Clinic. Of the differences of all of the FDA approved drugs. Like I said her presentation for the most part was clinical. She happens to be Shelly's doctor so she was very pleased to listen to her speak. Up next was my doctor Neeta Garg, M.D.. She spoke on symptom managemant. Her presentation was more up beat so to say. She made us laught. Talked about the importance of taking it easy when feeling overwhelmed with fatigue and of all the medicines used to help with fatigue. It was funny because all of the medicines she spoke about for fatigue I have tried. Amantadine...put me to sleep, Adderall..terrified me because of the way I felt the first and only pill I took, Provigil ...I can not take because it will make my birth control un-effective ( can't do that), Elavil...which I take. Then next up was a physical therapist who works very close with my MS clinic. She had us doing yoga excercises from our chairs, and all kinds of stuff. She Susan Bennett, P.T., Ed.D.,N.C.S. definitely ahd the room awake. Then it was Marathon Runner & Mountain ClimberWendy Booker . What a great speaker. This woman is soooooooo amazing and has been on Copaxone for the 7+ years she has been diagnosed with MS. Truly inspirational.
So far today I have baked banana bread. Easy Black Bottom Cupcakes , which I can not wait for these cupcakes to cool down because I remember my grandma making them for me when I was little and loved them soooo much. Sometime today I am going to make some pumpkin bread too and probably some brownies. Who knows?? Quorry was supposed to make peanut butter cookies, but he drank way too much milk and now his stomach is bothering him big time. Oh yeah and I did all of this baking so far by myself because my jerk FIL cam and stole my boys for the weekend. Which is ok by me they need a break from their crabby mommy!!!!

Friday, September 23, 2005

To mate or not to mate....that is the ?.....

to mate socks that is. How sad is that?? the burning question of my day. Ho hummm......I have been scolded by my husband the last few days for not listening to him and calming down. And of course I am feeling the price of not listening to him. My legs are killing me. I am too scared to take my Neurontin, the last few days I have been getting so incredibly high off it. Okay that's not such a bad thing other than I hate that feeling, lose any hopes of appetite, can hardly stay awake to take care of Kaylee. The plus side is i feel no pain in my legs, in my arms, my nowhere. Dr. Garg has mentioned marijuana on more than one occasion, but I get the same feelings from that too..only am more able bodied to take care of my daughter. I have never really taken an interest in any drugs. Even the ones I am supposed to take. Quorry did roll me a small joint last night and told me if I needed it to smoke it but guess where it still sits right where he put it. I don't know I do know that I have to do something my legs are on FIRE!!! I have to go out to the store tonight to to get more baking supplies for our great baking day 2005. Getting out always makes thing better in the emotional department. The physiacal usually kicks my ass. I'm only going to 3 stores of which have to run in get little garbage cans and this one happens to be in the plaza of the major grocery store I will be at. So it shall be easy.

Well I called Joan today about my shots. She said just make sure I rotate arms, tummy, and ass. She said if I love even 5 more lbs the arms will be out of the question. She makes it sound like I am like 90lbs. or something.Lord knows i am far from that. I just wish that there was ananswer to this 30 pound weight loss. I'm not complaining in the least but it happened so much so fast. It it a little scary. I have to say though that my appetite is beginning to make an apperance more and more....

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Not my fault he's not happy.......

God my father-in-law is such an asshole. He was here today in a pissy mood. He just bought a brand new Chevy Trailblazer..and my mother-in-law took off in it and left him here with the car. No big deal right?? Yeah right with him it seems as though it was. He was bitchy to me of course because she took off with it..if it was such a big deal he shouldn't have let her take the stupid thing. He then started working on Andrew's computer..boy did that make his already nasty mood all the more pleasant. he then comes into my room gets on my puter..which I thought he was probably hooking up our networking card..well nope he was fucking with all of my settings on my desktop and lord knows what else he did. I just bought a brand new puter because I asked him to fix my old one and well had to buy a new one because he screwed my old one all up big time. He claims to know what he is doing for computers but I have told him I do not want him touching this one. I mean come on I spent almost $1,200 on this system, I will pay a real professional to fix it. My mom has a great computer guy who is very reasonably priced. so I hope he gets over his shitty ass attitude. Maybe we will not go there for dinner Sunday. Not if Anna (mil) is not gonna be there. I told him I would buy the steaks and everything else all he has to do is cook the steaks. We were talking about while he was here I asked him which cut of beef he wanted he said preferably filet mignon..I said no problem. He was like that is just too damn expensive you blow money like it's water. What the fuck ever. He can go fuck himself. I need to stop letting him do this to me. I think most likely I am not gonna go there Sunday..I have had enuff of him this week. I am going to have a great positive day Saturday and would like to carry that over to Sunday. I am going to the MS seminar, sponsored by Teva Neuroscience meeting Someone I have been talking to for months, then come home and have a family day baking with the kids. We are going to go crazy on baking that is for sure!!!!

I am going to call Rebif and Joan ( my link to my dr) to see where the hell I should do my shots. CAn't do them in my legs they are too thin and damn did it hurt only with the 8.8mcg. My dr. told me last Tuesday not to do them in the legs. My ass and tummy are my site of choice..god knows after having 4 kids I have enuff stomach to do it in, my ass well it is flat but there is plenty to pinch up on. My arms are a very hard spot to do also. So who knows where I am gonna do it tomorrow?? Did it belly last nite, and ass on monday. I guess I will figure it out tomorrow??

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Got out of bed.......

and did more today already than I did the entire day yesterday. Got kids off to school, got my whiny husband off to work, did a load of laundry, did dishes, swept kitchen floor. Wow what a day already and it is not even 10 o'clockyet. I am gonna be feeling it tonight tomorrow and next week too. My fault but what u gonna do? I am going to Walmart with my mother in law and man is Kaylee (the shopaholic) exstatic. I have to return 2 pairs of jeans taht my MIL bought for her. Probly get some groceries and some snacks who knows. Just will be nice to get out of the house,
Aurora called twice already this morning. Can't she get the hint. I did not answer the phone yesterday, last week the week before...What's it gonna take for her to get the hint. I will talk to her when I have to because my husband happend to like her husband and so do I. We will not go there for bbq's or anything like that though. Her kids are such a bad influence on mine and I don't like that at all.Her kids are worse thatn my sister's bratty little kids..that is so hard to believe that there are kids worse than my sisters. Not that I am saying my kids are prefect, but at least my kids have structure and discipline in their lives..heather's and Aurora's don't. They feel bad when they punish their kids...BIG BIG mistake on their part. But you know what none of my business what they do with their kids.

Possibly good news for us MS'ers soon....

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

New day but same old crap......

Okay today the fatigue was just as bad okay maybe way worse. Who the hell knows. It definitely is kicking my butt though more so than ever. More than the last almost 5 years that I have had MS. I have been having the hardest time even getting out of bed in the morning to do anything. Problem is I have 2 kids to get up, dressed, and ready to walk out the door. Not to mention that cater to my husband's needs. I don't mind at all as he does it more so for me most of the time. I stayed in bed just lying there until like 1p.m. or so. It was quite relaxing but I felt bad because of Kaylee. She did come in my room and lay with me most of the time. I am gonna hope that tomorrow will be less a tiring day. I went to bed around 8p.m. last night and only got up to go to the bathroom it was relaxing. Got my shot in my ass which by the way this damn REbif burns so incredibly bad I don't know if I can handle the full 44mcg dose. We shall see....
I am looking in to going back to school. My brain needs the exercise and I miss school so much. I really enjoyed school when I was a kid. So we shall see what the future brings for my absolute boredom. I can get on here and do what?? I can only do do much on the net then I have nothing else to do. I can only clean my house so much. I can only talk on the phone to these imaginary friends that do not exist so long. I can only go to god knows where a few times a week. My point is I need more of an out, more of a release, More of a life. I do not want friends that is for sure as they do not understand at all. My "friend" Aurora gets mad when I do not wanna go here or there when I am just too damn fatigued or tired. She said the last time she invited me to go somewhere with her...So do u wanna go to the city and do some shopping , I said well....she interrupted..let me guess you are sick right?? Of course you are like always. Well I will talk to you later. You know what Fuck here and the damn horse she rode in on. See with friends like that I don't need friends at all. I'm so much happier without friends.

Monday, September 19, 2005

What a tiring day...

I do not know why my day was so tiring. It was quite relaxing actually. Just me and Kaylee with all the boys in school and Quorry at work. I guess the days of not much steroidal sleep and then the small burst of steroidal energy yesterday are coming back to haunt me or kick my ass or you know what it seems like both. Yesterday I really over did it. I had not vacuumed in like a week..which you know there is something wrong with me when my house is not clean. The floors getting done is not usually on the very top of my list. Although it should be I mean come on Quorry just bought me a $1,300 vacuum this thing does everything too. So I vacuumed everywhere in my house possible..blinds, ceiling fans, tables...everything...and of course my house looks nice but man am I done for. I think that maybe tomorrow I should stay in bed all day like Quorry told me to do today to recover from this fatigue battle. It will be easy to do with Kaylee because all I have to do is get her into my bedroom and turn Nickelodeon on and I can relax. I should have done that today...I guess there are those days when man you should follow your husband's advice. Today would be one of those days. I have to stay up at least to watch the season premier of Medium. I love that show. My life may seem pathetic..but when you can not go anywhere the t.v. and the puter and the phone are the only life lines to reality sometimes. I also have to stay awake long enough to get my Rebif shot. Quorry will be out for awhile visiting friends he said if I am asleep he will just stab me in the ass. Smart ass that he is but he will wake me to do it.

Tomorrow....well no plans really....maybe talk to my mom since she has been so busy lately with my grandma visiting and then her just getting back from Chicago. I know that I have to definitely save some energy for Saturday. That is my seminar and I am very excited. Shelly emailed me with her cell phone number so we can try to meet up in the parking lot. i'm a little nervous though. I worry about what other think about my looks WAY too much. I guess it's just the fact that I don't have much for self confidence. Quorry makes me feel beautiful all the time but when I am out in the public eye...I feel well like I look like a nasty freak. i have some more confidence sice mysteriously losing 20 lbs. Which I have to say does make me feel better. Iwas happy to a point at my weight I guess mainly because I maintaned it for 3 years. It is such a pain now because all of my clothes are way to big and I tend to not spend money on myself. So I have been borrowing my mom's and mil's pants and stuff...just to have some clothes that fit. We will see how I feel about all of this come saturday when I am sure there will tears because I don't like what I am wearing...but that is just my normal juvenile moods that I get into sometimes. I never really got to do all the normal juvenile things...when my age group was doing that normal stuff I was changing a diaper or potty training. Let me tell you having a baby at 14 really makes you grow up fast, I would not change it for the world...I had Andrew..and all my peers had drugs and problems.

Do you ever wanna do this sometimes to someone?? I DO!! I DO!!!!

Sometimes I just wanna smack someone like this. It is so fun to watch and put the faces of all the people that have pissed me off today, or hurt me today, or did anything wrong to me today. Depending on the day lord knows how many people did how many of those things to me.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Have I been in a poor poor me kinda mood lately?? I didn't think so......

Well apparently my father-in-law (FIL) thought so yesterday. he made me soooo upset. He actually put me in that kinds mood and destroyed my day...hell he destroyed my entire week that I worked so hard on keeping myself positive. I am pretty much done with him. I do not have to take that kind of mental torture or abuse. It is not my fault that he is not happy with his life is it??Hell no it isn't!!!!Here is an excerpt from some of the shit he wrote to me last night it may not seem so bad to you but man did it tear me apart. Especially because I had so much respect for this man!!!
FIL: anything that happens to you that you don't like IS your but that doesn't ring true for me..I can't control what happens to me FIL:bs you are sick ... that's it , you have a disease that you can't control but you can run the house me: god do I wish that I could be in charge of everything that happens to me
So maybe to some of you that doesn't seem like such a big deal but man did it real hurt me soooo bad. I have done nothing but be there for this man to be a shoulder to cry on. I guess he was having a bad day..but I was not even after all of the healthcare mess that happened. I got my steroids I was happy until he decided he would take his bad day out on me. He did apologize but that felt empty to me. I went to his house after my MS walk in May and boy was I in sucha great mood. My team raised almost $5,000. I told him that do you know what he said??? Well it is just to bad that the money you guys raised will all go for corporate bullshit..not to find a cure they probably won't find a cure in your lifetime. That hurt me so bad he apologized and promised he would never bring my MS up around me you see that is why the fake ass apology I got last night was nothing to me but another fake ass empty bullshit apology!!!!

K on a happier note next Saturday I am going to an MS seminar. My doctor is one of the featured speakers and so is another doctor from my MS clinic. Anyway someone that I met online at, sees this other doctor and she lives 5 minutes from where the seminar is. So we are going to meet up there that is soooooo freaking exciting!!!!

K well I will be back periodically today my nurse it gonna be here any minute to try to get a vein. please wish me luck!!!!!

Friday, September 16, 2005

didn't you think I was done bitching for the day???? So did I ......

I thought so to. I got my Rebif delivered today and would you believe that after these long few days on the phone with them and promises of getting my script on time with no problems that did not happen..I did get it today before noon..OMG amazing. Guess what though..they did not send me the 22mcg. no that would be to easy for me to have something go right today. They sent me the 44mcg. I talked to my chemo nurse today and told her how the nurses have been treating me and she said oh no they are not gonna do that...the last thing u need is more added stress. So that was taken care of. The nurse that actually came today told me if I ever had a problem with any of the nurses to let someone know like the supervisor..I told her that was who my problem was with. She said well there is someone above her and as soon as I leave here I have to go to the person above her anyway for a meeting so I will be sure to mention this. It is not right nor fair for u to be treated like this.

Well ok so I was happy for a brief moment about the fact that I won't be treated like shit anymore form people that I rely on so much. Okay so she tried a good vein it blew, got another good vein it blew, got another good vein it blew, got another good vein..and guess what yep u got it that one blew too. So fianlly 4 blown veins later got a good one that held up and that I was gonna keep in for tomorrow..but man was burning and pounding and well pulsating is the best way to explain it . By god did it hurt. So who knows what is gonna happen tomorrow?? There are not many options considering each hand has 2 blown veins. Maybe my arm again. My arm was used the last 2 days..3rd time's a charm right?? God I sure hope so...So please please wish me luck for tomorrow!!!!

k well how in the hell is more healthcare mess ups gonna be allowed to happen????

K what else could go wrong??? K so one of the bitchy nurses just called and said I am waiting on the brand new nurse who has never started an IV before on an MS person's tough veins to show up here then we will be over I am gonna stay till she gets the needle in then she is on her own is that ok with you?? I said you are kidding right?? The reason one of the nurses moved to a different part of t he county duties is because of how bad she screwed up on me she left here the last time in tears. She poked me 6 times and could not get it and called in another nurse to do it and the other nurse for it one shot. In the exact place that I told the other nurse to do it. God I am terrified. I think that I am gonna see if my wonderful state insurance will pay for different nursing. I hate being back on Medicaid. I guess I should be grateful, and in a lot of aspects I am . The only reason I am even back on it is because I am Social Security. Oh well I will take what ever is thrown at me in stride. Dave ok jumping that high with you might be better then jumping off the deep end from stress and fear of the wacked out crazy nurses!!!!

Oh yeah she was pissed because I did not get a hep lock yesterday. I told her I am the one who has to get poked so what is the problem. She said not so nice at all it would have been easier on me then I would not have had to come over with the new nurse. Easier on her ??? Go screw off bitch. First of all my vein was on the verge of blowing yesterday just while the med. was running, and I am allergic to any kinds of tape and they hurt me so bad. Screw her like I said I am the one who has to get poked. Last time I got 3 days of roids I was poked almost 20 times because my veins suck. My god I get IV' s all the damn time soon very very very soon I am gettin my medi-port. And all this poking crap will be done 4 ever!!!

k thought being screwed by healthcare crap was over..boy was I wrong

Ok last night I was nearly in tears. I received a call from Curascript which is the place that delivers my Rebif. Ok the first call was made in the morning which by the way the Rebif was supposed eo be here yesterday morning. So anyway they told me they changed the delivery date to Tuesday. Ok that was fine as long as it was here before Wednesday because I will use my last shot Monday night. K so I was somewhat satisfied. They said the reason for the delay is because my dr. still did not fax the prescription there. I said oh yes she has like 4 or 5 times. The lady said ewell we have not recieved any thing. So I immediately hung up and called my chemo nurse who takes care of everything for me. I stayed on the phone with her beause she wanted me to hear the fax going through for the 6th time she said. I heard it and she recieved the confirmation that the fax was recieved. So okay Rebif calls me again at like 8ish last night telling me sorry new delivery date is next Thursday or Friday. WHAT???? That would mean that I would ahve to miss at least one shot. I explained to the lady that would be detremental to my health and I started crying. I appologized and she said sht understood. I mean come on. I was off of meds for 3 months and look at the damage it did to me!!! So she put me on hold and said ok the medicine will be at the FED-EX station tomorrow I can pick it up after 10 am. I said do you realize that the station is close to 2 hours away and a lil hard to get there when I can not drive and my husband does have to work. She said oh, does the medicine have to be refrigerated? I said it is reccomended, but not necessary it is safe for 30 days at room temperature. She said ok,put me on hold again. Got back on the phone only to say Good news we did get the fax 8 times..8 fucking times!!! That just made me cry again 1 for joy and 2 for ANGER!!!She said it was faxed to New Jersey and not to Florida. DUH!!! I live in New York so that makes sense right ?? She readily agreed. So anyway I will recieve my shipment today thank god!!!

So I didn't sleep for shit last night due to the Steroid power jump. I hate when I get it but I love it to. Hate it because then I have a little burst of energy and I do way too much and get back to worse then I was before the steroid energy high. Man are my legs feeling that stupidness of a mistake. I love it because I can get everything done that I hadn't been able to get done while I was down and out. Like getting the kitchen floor clean. and stupid other lil stuff that just bothers me. See I am not a neat freak but I like my house to be as spotless at possible. When I say my house is a mess and people are here and they all say I wishe my house was as messy as yours is, meaning they wish their house was as clean as mine. They can't understand how a disabled mother of 4 always has a clean house. You know what neither can I. You need to ahve a celan house when You are medicnes that lower you immune system frequently , like the Novantrone and the Rebif lowers the immune system too. So I have to keep a clean house. I have a $1300 vacuum cleaner that does everything but wipe my ass. So I use for everything but that. It shampoos too. I need a shampooer I have a brand new carpet in a few rooms in my housem My boys just got a new carpet less than a month ago. The carpet in my living room was laid about a year ago when we bought our house. So I definitely have to keep up on my carpets...I don't wanna have to be replacing carpet anytime soon. Carpet it way too expensive.

So I am getting dose 2 of roids today. Who knows what the hell time or who it is gonna be because my health department is outta their mind. They are so not with it and many people myself included are paying the price of them being a fuck up. I just don't wanna get it when my daughter wants to be eating lunch like I did yesterday. Oh well I guess as long as I get it what right do I have to bitch???

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

What a joke the healthcare system can be sometimes......

okay before I start telling this "story" if u will I need to tell you the cast of characters.
Barb=my town's head homehealth care nurse she overlooks all the visiting nurses.
Jack=my drug dealer the guy who has always delivered my IV drugs
Cathy= the homehealth care nurse that did my last chemo and who taught my husband how to do the Rebif shots
Carolyn= my former PT

Ok now here is the story...Yesterday morning about 9 am Barb called me and man was that bitch in rare form let me tell you what..she said did you know anything about steroids for 3 days. I said yeah I do, she said well your doctor's office faxed it to Carolyn for some stupid reason and not here nor Option Care (which is the pharmacy that fills these orders for all my IV drugs.) Now keep in mind that she was mean, nasty and very rude to me. I told her I said Barb the person that usually does all of this for me that has all the necessary fax numbers was not in the office yesterday. She said I don't give a shit Amanda. JNI (Jacob's Neurological Institute)(my docs office) is a multi-million dollar corporation they have to be with the widespread prevelence of MS in our community. I told her that everyone makes mistakes haven't you ever made a mistake?? She said NO I have never. Yeah freakin right. So we hung up me hurt and pissed. Then Carolyn called me and explained it more to me so that it made sense as to why it was faxed to her. She said when I called her and told her that my doctor wanted me to stop the PT ASAP. Gave her the phone number to my doc's office and the person she spoke with that day gave her the fax # to my doc's office so she could fax something to get the a ok to stop my PT. So the person she spoke with that day is the one who ordered my orders for yesterday. This person is not familiar with my case at all and had no idea where to fax anything and the only fax# she had was my PT's. so it made perfect sense to me. So anyway Jack called me and said I am gonna be there around 7-7:30 is that ok I said yeah sure. K So when Cathy showed up at like 6 I was a bit confused. She said that Barb told her Jack would be here 5:30-6. I said no Jack is not gonna be here till 7ish. She said ok I will be back I said ok. She came back at 7 and 10 after Jack called saying he was running late he would not be here for like an hour and half. That was fine with me except for I did not wanna get the roids so damn late. Cathy said that it is the County's rules to not start the iv roids after 6 but Barb wanted her to because get this Barb did not wanna have to work this weekend just to give me my roids.What a bitch!!! So I did not get any last night ha ha Barb. she better not take it out on me saturday. But I got my roids at 12p.m. today so all is well.
Got my first ass shot last night the needle stick did not hurt but man the burn of that damn medicine did. It was so funny to see the look on my hubby's face while he got to rub my ass for the 2 minutes he liked it and thank god the kids were in bed is all I have to say..and I will leave it at that....

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Got mixed news at dr's today....

k bad news about my MRI at least. My last MRI had 10 HUGE enhancing lesions, where this last one only had 4 small enhancing lesions. K I guess that should make me happy enuff and it does and the fact that for now I am done with the Novantrone because my doctor thinks that the Rebif will help me enuff right now. but we shall see. I see here NP in December the day before my birthday. Too funny to because last year had an appt. on my birthday. It was good too but MS was still just as bad. What scared me I guess was the fact that she told me that I was the worst case, most aggressive case that she has ever seen. Now she has about 400 patients. She def is a good doctor. I love her and she takes very good care of me.

Oct 81-Apr 87, M.B.B.S, S.M.S. Medical College, Jaipur, Rajasthan, India.
Residencies & Fellowships:
Jul 02-Jun 03, Internal Medicine, SUNYAB, Buffalo, NY
Jul 99-Jun 02, Neurology, JFK Medical Center, Residency, Edison, NJ
Jul 94- Dec 96, Neurology, Post Graduate Fellowship, Institute of Medical
Education &Research, Chandigarh, India
May 88-Jul 91, Internal Medicine, Residency, S.M.S. Medical College, Jaipur,
Rajasthan, India

so see she is quite qualified. And has the best bed side manner of any dr. I have ever met. Some more kinda good news it that I found out today that I can completely empty my bladder. My doctor's office is an MS Clinic, so they have a bladder clinic inside and I had a scan of my bladder before I went pee and a scan after and I definitely can empty my bladder. So now tomorrow have to get a urinalysis to make sure that I do not have a UTI which I probably do because MS and UTI seem to correlate with me anyways. Oh yeah I am going to be back on the monthly steroids. Which I am so glad for, starting tomorrow. This time it will be for 3 days, the only reason she is starting this month is because I asked her told her I had my bad MS headache. She said yeah we can do that, even though I have already had some steroids within a few weeks time. She said it would help and I know that it will.

K some humor to this long miserable post. I don't usually take my chair to the doctor's office because we get free valet parking and as soon as u get in the door by valet there is the info desk. I just go to the info desk and tell them I need a chair and someone comes takes me to my doctor's office. You see my doctor's office is in a big hospital on the second floor down a what feels like an endless hallway. So anyway the guy comes down takes me up to the office and made it very clear that when you need to leave just call for me. Maybe he thinks I am hot. Anyway my dr's office calls for the volunteer and guess who comes...HIM!!!! so anyway he waited with me until my mil's (mother-in-law) car pulls up took me out to it. K my MIL has a low to the ground car so when I get into it I start with my left leg my good leg plus when I am the passenger it is kinds hard to start with the right leg...but anyway he said be careful watched me put my left leg into the car and kinda struggle a lil with my right leg and "helped" me by grabbing my ass to boost me into the car. I always get in and out of her car like that well not with an ass grab but still struggle a lil with my right leg after all it is my bad leg and is like 100time weaker and less compassionate. That's how it is most of the time even when I am doin good. So that was too funny.. way too funny!!!!!

and so the long day begins.......

Okay it is 9 a.m. Eastern Standard Time and I have to start my get up and go. Yuck!!!I think that I will start by making a pot of coffee. Which usually the only time I drink coffee is #1 when Josh is here because he makes it #2 when I go to my mother in laws because she always has coffee on and #3 when I go somewhere with her because she is a Tim Horton's coffee addict and man I do not blame her their coffee is to die for. I do not like drinking coffee when I am gonna have a long day but man I really think I might need it today. I don't like drinking it when I am gonna have a long day because it makes me have to pee even more and you MS'ers know when you gotta go you gotta go. So as I sit here I am still debating whether or not to make this damn pot of coffee. oh eat a pathetic life when the most important decision of your day is to make coffee or not .

Man I did my shot hurt sooooooo bad last night. I was a lil prepared but not expecting that much pain with it. I took the prescription ibuprofen before hand for the side effects the only side effect I believe I have is some stiffness. BUt who knows if that is just the MS itself . I am a lil scared for my month on the 22mcg to be done and then have to go to the 44 mcg. The pain that I experienced was right after my husband pulled the needle out of my arm. I think it was the burn of the medication I was warned about so many times. I had Quorry massage it for me for the recommended 2 minutes with a warm cloth which my doctor recommended. That made it feel a little better but man it really did hurt. I don't wanna do it ever again..I miss my Avonex so much. The huge long needle of Avonex was so much better. I have been on these little tiny ass needles before for 3 years and hated them then too, only difference is that medication did not burn as bad as this one does. I just don't wanna have to do these painful shots anymore!!!! My dr promised me that if I would at least try for 6-8 months and still I was not liking it she would let me go back on the Avonex. I know though that the Rebif is a stronger medication and could help me so much more then the least that is the hope. Because not even the Novantrone is doing me any good the last 2 doses anyway. to me that is terrifying I mean come on I am 25 years old and am gonna be in worse shape than an 90 year old. I need to be in tip top shape I have 4 kids to take care of.

Monday, September 12, 2005

K got the police arrest article...

Here is the word for word from the newspaper article about his arrest....Jason M. Decker , 27, of(his address)was charged with forcible touching, third degree sexual abuse,aecond-degree harassment and disorderly conduct at 12:30 amSunday after deputies investigated a fight at (street names)Deputies said Jason Decker who was jailed in lieu of $1,000 bail was accused of grabbing a woman, who then hit him sparking the fight that led to the complaint. Okay I am sure that all of you readers ( not that there is too many) probably think that I am obsessive about this but really I am scared that I am gonna have to be the one to break my son's heart because of his father's mistakes. and you know I feel that is sooooo unfair. What am I to do?? ok enuff of this

So Saturday we went to my mom's and had dinner with my grandma. It was yummy. Then Quorry's(my husband) brother and his girlfriend came her and we drank a litte and had a good time. Yesterday Quorry and Josh rearranged my bedroom. Let me tell that was a task all the heavy shit in my room. It looks nice but I do not like where my husband put my puter desk. I will eventually get used to it I guess. It does for some reason look so much bigger. The other nice thing about it is that where they put the bed is right next to the bathroom door. I definitely need that I get up 50 thousand times a night it feels to go to the bathroom now I don't have to walk aroung the bed to get there.

Tomorrow is my appt. with Dr.Garg. I can not wait I hope she can fix me as good as she did last time. I am not wanting to see the results of my MRI I am a lil scared of it but we will see. I am gonna try to not think of it too much or I will add more insult to injury in my stress department lord knows I have enuff stress. Today is gonna be close to 90 degrees and hot so that adds the the physical stress that I already have from way overdoing it yesterday. I do that all the time and I am the one who suffers. Can someone please tell me why I continue to do this to my self????

Friday, September 09, 2005

Got a little more info on piece of shit man....

Well this morning my mom called me and told me exactly what happened according to the newspaper anyway. He got arrested for sexual misconduct..along with his now I see who his great role model is. He could possible have to register as a sex offender when all is said and done..and if he has to register for that he will never NEVER see Andrew again. I called his mom last night because Andrew left his swim trunks there and I need them for him for gym. Do you know that she never even said anything to me about what happened. That really pissed me off because I think that I deserve to know I mean come on I am the mother of his child...I deserve to know and have the right to know. Anyway Andrew is going to church with her on Sunday he is excited because he has been there with them before and he loves that church. I mean his mom she is great. Yet stupid, stupid for letting her son take advantage of her, stupid for not kicking him out on his ass..He has options there is always welfare they would make his stupid ass work. He can't drive doesn't have a liscense. You wanna know why he lost it pretty much forever. Too many DWI's and DUI's the DWI's obviously he was drunk the DUI's he was drunk and on marijuana the reason that the cops knew he was under the influence is because he was stupid enuff to be smoking a joint when they pulled him over but it did not matter to him he was drunk and stupid. You know it is no surprise to me that he touched a women unappropriately. You wanna know why?? Okay do the math I am 25 my son is 11. I got pregnant with him when I was 13. Of course I loved him oooo so much and he told me that he loved me and that he would be my boyfriend if I had sex with him so I did remember I was only 13. You wanna know how old he was?? almost 19!!!!! Okay now I am gonna post a picture of Andrew. I want u to look at it he is such a precious great child. He helps me sooo much he volutarily does more than any 11 year should have to do. He hlps me a lot when my MS is abd, I love him so much. But look at him how could anyone deny this child..that is what his father does..please not for the record he has a great Daddy in my husband.

Okay my rant for the day is done. My MRI was so great yesterday. It was at a new to me MRI place that machine looked like something from the way far future. It was nice and like always I fell asleep.The people were so much nicer there than the previous place I went for my MRI's. My doctor already has the results too. I called today. I will find out the (bad) most likely news about my MRI on Tuesday.My fingers are crossed tightly for sure!!!!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Great Father....yeah my ass...

Got a phone call today from a friend of mine saying guess what I read in the paper at work last night? Jason was arrested for doing something to a girl. I had to hang up cuz my doc was beeping through. So I called her back and she said he either hit a girl or touched a girl she couldn't remember exact details. He is in jail in lieu of $1000 bail. You know what really gets my goat?? #1 no body called to inform me and #2 no body called to inform me. Don't get me wrong I am glad he is in jail and I hope he makes home of it because I am just sending him back soon for not paying child support. Ok now to tell ya the story...Jason is my oldest's biological father. He has always been a piece of shit and still is. He still hasn't realized he has a son nor has he acted like it. For Christs sake Andrew is 11 fucking years old grow up and at least pay your damn child support. Now Jason is 30 and still has his mom take care of everything from calling me and saying Jason wants to know, to making up all these excuses for him. Like prime example Jason was not there for Andrew's first baseball game like he promised Andrew he would be. His Mom called and said Jason has a sore throat so that is why he wasn't there. Bullshit I sat with Jason's 3 sisters at the game and Jason's step dad (notice how they were all there but not him Piece of shit) and all of them said he's not here because he went out and got drunk last night and had a bad hangover so that is why he is not here. His mom needs to quit doing that for him that is exactly why he is the way he is. It is disgusting to me. I will tell you one thing right now that I will never make up bullshit excuse for my kids like that and my kids will not be living at home, un-employed, having me buy his beer, cigarettes, and weed at the age of 30 no freaking way!!!!

okay now that that rant is over....I am so excited!!!! No more PT talked to my docs office yesterday and told them again how much pain I am in since starting the PT and the fact that I could walk before the PT and that you can't really call what I am doing now walking. She said stop right away you may just be one of the few select people that PT hurts more than helps..I said u think?? I have a good reputation of being one of the odd ones. I am one of the 3% of MS patients that has PRMS, one of the even smaller percentage of people that have a severe hypersensitivity to Copaxone. Why do all the few selects for me have to be so damn bad????

Have to go to my MRI soon yeah!!!Gotta shower then leave

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

So tired..It hurts...

man am I tired. I set the alarm for 5:00 so I could get Andrew up for school on time so he could shower and eat and brush his teeth..Well guess what he was already in the shower. He told me that he was up since 4:30 because he was so excited. So I stayed up with him and folded 2 loads of laundry that I slacked on yesterday. Then when he went out to wait for the bus I went back to bed. Which was like 6ish. I didn't fall right to sleep either. Then the alarm went off at 7:00 for Bradley. I pushed snooze twice and got him up. What a long day I have had already. Kaylee was woke up by Andrew at like 5:30 so she has been in rare from with her bitchy attitude(wonder where she gets that from??? hmmmmm)

When I first checked my blog this morning I was soooo excited because I had 10 comments on here from yesterdays post. I was thinking that finally my MS support group visited my blog...Boy was I wrong. They were all these stupid ass spammed comments. What bullshit. I never had the word recognition on, but didn't know anything about that until yesterday when I saw that when I put a new post on there was a little note about putting word recognition on to prevent this exact thing from happening. So screw spammers anyway.

Man do my legs hurt!!! oh yeah that is nothing new. The nerve pain what a shock is back with a vengeance. My thigh muscles hurt so bad and I am assuming that is from being on that big ass ball yesterday..Because that was the only time in the recent future that I have used my thigh muscles. So now today I am just gonna take it easy. Well as easy as I can my house is a disgusting mess..not really because my house is always spotless..but that is the problem it is not spotless and is driving me crazy. There are dirty dishes in the sink which is rare and toys all over the living room which is against the rules and my brats know that but they are gonna clean that mess up. Oh yeah I have to go get some groceries tonight after dinner. Other than that I am taking it easy. Is all that easy??? No I guess not but I have to keep keeping on I suppose. My brats and hubby need me.

Tomorrow is my MRI and the 13th my dr's appointment. Which I am very curious to see my MRI this time, I sure as hell hope it looks better this time. Although I can almost be positive that it's no better as I am not doing so well. I just don't want to have to get the big N again anytime soon. but if I have to I will do it. I don't mind it at all because really I have only got sick from it once and I quit smoking then so it wasn't too bad. I just really would like to be able to get my medi-port first as my veins are shot now. Would you believe at age 25 everyone who sticks me or draws blood says that my veins are worse than a 90 year olds??? So I really wanna get my medi-port first. I mean I understand my veins being bad I have been on monthly steroid infusions for close to 5 years and monthly Novantrone (the big N) for 16 months give or take. I haven't gotten the big N every month but the way it is dosed for me is 3 monthly doses at a time, MRI, see how it is good= stop for now and continue with whatever med I am on bad=another monthly dose of the big N and start the process all over again. My last MRI was really bad like my whole brain was white. It looked like someone dumped white-out or something on it. I asked the dr. about my brain atrophy she said I can't tell you because there are too many lesions to try to see if there is any atrophy. So that was pretty scary. So I am hoping for the best. I do know that the MRI doesn't mean much per se. I had an awful MRI in June and I was doing better then ever. I was normal for a whole month. I was even driving the truck and going grocery shopping all by myself. That felt so nice to be independent. To not have to rely on anyone else. But that is gone I am now back to relying on everyone but what ya gonna do??

Friday my grandma will be here, I might be going with my Mom to the airport not sure yet. Saturday around 2p.m. we are eating dinner at my mom's with everyone. No dinner at my in laws on Sunday because Marv(father-in-law) is leaving for Texas today he has to fix a machine there. He might have to go to New Orleans and if he does he is taking Quorry and paying him well. That is what he told Quorry. I feel for all of those in New Orleans and Mississippi. I have been praying super hard for them to get through this.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Whoa what a long day I've had....

Man what a day....First to start the P.T. It really wasn't too bad today as she knew that I had a long day today and I told her about all the nerve pain that I had over the weekend which started immediately after the P.T. on Thursday. So all I really did today was some balance exercises on a BIG red ball. Man was I terrified it kept felt like I was gonna fall off of the ball. She told me that I did an excellent job at it and well surpassed what she had expected. Like what I can't do great things?? I asked her that too. She was like no what I meant was..I said stop I was just messing with you. Ok then had to go to Bradley's Orientation which was long and tiresome...had to walk so freakin much. Then we had to take a quick bus ride to get the kids used to riding the bus. Well while I was walking up the bus stairs my rt. leg decided it wanted to go out me (like usual) and I bammed my shin on the second stair. Man is it gonna leave a nasty bruise too I can feel it. K then to the store to get the rest of Brad's school supplies. Then to Andrew's school. That was not so bad did not have to walk as much and now finally home.

Ok being home isn't so great cuz there is no way in hell I am gonna be able to cook dinner. I think that maybe we will order out who knows??

Monday, September 05, 2005

Brad and the magic giraffe

This is Bradley and his "magic" giraffe. He swears that it is magic and I promised him I would put it on here

Didn't get to sleep till 2 ......

okay this non-sleeping shit is well shit!!! I guess last night would have been better if Quorry's brother and his girlfriend did not come back here for the night...So of course I was kept up with everyone messing around on my computer.

The good thing about right now the nerve pain isn't happening but I feel it trying to come on so I'm thinkin maybe if I just dump half the bottle of Neurontin down my throat along with some of my gin to wash it down there will be no nerve pain today...I'm thinking when I go see Dr.Garg next Tuesday I am gonna tell her that the Neurontin has lost it's zest and that I need something else. One of my message boards said Topamax works great too..Have to do some research on it have no clue what it really is.

Dinner last night was sooooo great. I ate more last night than the last 2 weeks combined. It was real nice to have an appetite for a night...Let's hope my appetite doesn't run and hide again on me.

This week OMG so damne busy don't know if I can keep up with everything I have to do. Tomorrow Kids' parent/teacher/student orientation..Brad's is from 12-2, and Andrew's is from 3-4. and oh yeah P.T. at 10 which I need to see if I can skip it tomorrow because there is no way I can do this orientation thing after P.T. it puts me down and out for the day. Wednesday have to go shopping for some food. That's always a task might have to take my wheelchair..Not sure yet I'll have to see how bad tomorrow kicks my ass. Then Thursday is my MRI at a new place I guess their machine is better than anyone else's we'll see. I also have to get my P.T. at 9 a.m. Friday my grandma will be here might possibly ride to airport with Mom depends what time I have to leave cuz we can not afford for Quorry to get any more time off this week. Saturday we are going to my mom's for dinner with my grandma's dinner at in laws of course. I hope I am still alive by Monday because Tuesday I see Dr.Garg.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Finally got some sleep like 4 hours....

It was sooooo nice....4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. It only took 6 zanaflex and 2 amitriptyline..that's it!!!!

I am still soooo tired and the nerve pain isn't too much better not at all but at leat today I am gonna take a lot more of the Neurontin as I am allowed to go up to 3600mg. Just have to do it slowly. So I am gonna take it every 4 hours as I am suuposed to that will probably (hopefully) help relieve some of this damn pain..who knows I can always add some valium and sleep for a couple of days.

today is my honey's 24th b-day. Yeah!!!!Happy birthday baby!!!!

This should be illegal.....for sure...

Okay the pain I have been feeling in my legs has to be illegal at least in 27 states. Ok the pain from physical therapy as if that were not enuff right well then of course the icing on the cake is the damn nerve pain. I have taken 2400mg of Neurontin today. That is 24 pills because I am only on 100 mg dose. I am a little worried myabe the P.T. is doing this to me. I will tell ya one thing my legs are feeling weaker and worse since starting the P.T. I don't think that is how it is supposed to be it just ain't right...Not at all

Well My DSL is up and running and it is so exciting!!! FAST and I mean FAST. I LOVE IT!!!! I got a confirmation e-mail yesterday that my DSL was ready on my phone line..and got a phone call today.

These gas prices are freaking crazy $3.49 at Gambles and $3.59 at Stop-n-Gas. But some places in Buffalo are like $3.89 one place I saw on the news was $ freaking crazy...ok yeah another place in Buffalo 97 cents yeah u read that right 97 f-king cents I am gonna drive to Buffalo(if I could drive taht is) except for that was only for like3 hours so guess it ain't worth the drive. But I just got done watching the news they said that the gas is gonna drop some over night which is GREAT!!! I talked to my Grandma on the phone tonight she was complaining about the gas there u know what it was??? $2.69....oh I have vague fond memories about $2anything!!!!!

Friday, September 02, 2005 I am scared.....

I was sad and a little scared yesterday after watching more on the hurricane victims. Scared for all them babies that they have shown that have no milk no water. Then we went out and the gas prices literally went up 20cents in less than an hour up to $3.19 who knows what it is today???...ok that was scary enuff but then I went into the grocery store to get milk for my kids and I got the last gallon of milk that the store had...that is everyone else knows something that I do not. I told Quorry I feel so guilty for even bringing children into this world...look at it!!!

On a lighter note My DSL modem will be here today. The crappy thing about that is it can't be used until after 6p.m. SEptember 7th. that really sucks that I will have the modem and everything I need except for the release on my phone line. but that will be such a great day because it is the first day of school. I can not wait.Then the8th MRI, 9th my grandma will be here, 13th Dr.Garg, 16th Marvin(father-in-law) and Chrissy's(niece) b-day, oh yeah the 5th is my mom's b-day, 7th Billy (other father-in-law)and Jacob my brother from Wyoming..and of course my honey's b-day is Sunday!!!!Man September is busy busy busy!!!!

Thursday, September 01, 2005

It's been 1 week one day....

since I started the Rebif. So far so good. Still no yuck side that is great!!! I have to call the nurse today to see if she can come tomorrow and do my shot because Quorry and I are confused about one of my injection sites and that is the one that we were supposed to use last we just did my right arm.

The wheelchair guy came today and measured me and showed me the one that I would most likely get. It is definitely better than the one that I have. A lot more light weight and more practical. The wheels can even come off of it to fit in a trunk. I thought that was the shit!!!! exciting life of a 25 yr.old when I am astounded by the littlest, dumbest shit. Spence that is his name was the guy who helped with a few of my brother-in-laws wheelchairs. What a small world.

P.T. today wasn't as painful but man more tiring than ever and I am sure it will be more painful than the other times come tomorrow. I did a lot of stuff that I have not been able to do in a very long time. Of course she had to help me A LOT!!!!I know that when I am done with the physical therapy it will be well worth it. She still has to keep on eye on me to make sure that it is doing more good than damage. Last time she was here she was a lil worried that it may be hindering vs. helping. I guess we will have to wait and see.So she will be here next tuesday and I told her I wanted her to start coming a little bit later. She was kinda bitchy about it too. I have to get Kaylee breakfast. So she will come at 10 this next time but then has to continue to come at 9 so I guess she will just have to wait if Kaylee wants breakfast while she is here so I can feed my daughter.

My honey's b-day is Sunday. I really wish that I could get him something. I hate that I never have any money. Well I guess I do I put my SS check to pay for mortgage and the truck payment. I told him last night that I wish I could get him something he said well than get me something. I said I have no money, and the money I had is gone on the bills. He said then you did get me something u paid for my truck. How is that right??? We are married it is 50/50 that is hardly a b-day present. Like last year I had some money and got him a new razor and he loved it. Oh well I guess this year will be like every other year (w/exception of last) and I will not get him anything.and even if I had money I would have to have him drive me somewhere to get him something. I really really really wanna get him a laser level and stud finder b/c he wants both of them. Maybe someday.
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