Wednesday, November 30, 2005

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

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Monday, November 28, 2005

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What is a girl to do........

Well called my neuro's office first thing this morning just as I said I was gonna do. Well my neuro. is out of town at some neuroloy convention or something like that. So I am going to see one of the nurse practioners. Actually my favorite N.P. that works that. I am just going to tell her what my neuro and I had discussed (which I'm sure is written in my "file"). So we shall see what happens. I mentioned today when I talked to the N.P. that the headaches didn't start until I was on the full dose. Last I saw my neuro. she told me some people need a lot longer on the titration schedule than others. She told me that if I find that I can't handle the full dosage I would be lowered back down to the half dose. To why not Avonex? That is my medicine of choce for sure. Painless and less of a reminder of this MonSter. The depression from the MS or the Rebif which ever the culprit is reminder enough.

Our puppy is so good. He listens so well too. The only problem is the lady that we got him from told us he was paper trained. Well maybe he was there but darn it if he pretty much goes everywhere but the paper. I am fresh out of potty-training school so this should be a breeze. Kaylee said I know how to go pee now mommy remember? I can teach the puppy like you taught me. Sometimes some of the things she says and does just astounds me. pictures to come soon I promise.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

It's official..I QUIT!!!!!

Rebif that is. You see until last night the last time that I did the injection was the previous Wednesday. Mainly just because I did not want to. Bullheaded? Foolish? STUPID? Probably all of the preceding. I was confirmed though this morning when I awoke with a horrible migraine that the Rebif has to be the culprit. My neuro's office told me that if the headaches continue we will just do something different. The different did not mean switch from Rebif to something new either. Different as in different headache medicines. Sorry tired them all and non have worked. My Neuro has phoned in so many headache meds for me it is sickening to me. So I give up I quit. I will call my neuro's office first thing Monday morning and inform my doc of this decision. She will not be happy but what the hell else am I to do?? I just want to go back on the Avonex. I know they are both the same med. only different strengths, different methods of injecting, and more frequency with the Rebif. She can not tell me that I can not go back onto the Avonex, but she can refuse to prescribe it for me. I don't want to sound like a quitter to her. She told me to try it for 3 months that was the initial deal that I made with her when I very reluctantly went from Avonex to the Rebif. I have been on Rebif over 3 months and every injection hurts more as far as headaches and as far as the burn from the medication. It isn't supposed to be like this Or is it??

Well we definitely got more snow. My house got probably 2 1/2 feet of snow Thursday alone. We did get a little yesterday but maybe like an inch. Tomorrow is supposed to rain all day (hello floods) Monday it is supposed to be close to 65 degrees ( hello floods for sure). My yard should be quite the nice soppy mess.

Tomorrow I am getting my flu shot. Hurray. Just what I want another shot that could make me feel like crap. At least my kids will be going back to school on Monday. All she be calm in the house then. Except for we just got Kaylee a puppy for her birthday and man is he rambunctious. He loves to run around the house like a crazy man too. At least I will not have to listen to the boys argue. That is all they have been doing and I could almost shoot myself and probably would have if it weren't for the fact that I am terrified of guns.

Oh yeah my computer crashed. It sucks soooo bad too. Our whole lives were on that thing. We got it to work enough to see the monitor and had to reinstall everything. So we have had a long last couple of days. I am on my son's computer right now because Quorry is still do installing some more of the things that were on there. I lost all of my pictures of the kids from the last 3 years. I even had it all backed up on CD. Much to my surprise those don't work anymore either. You don't realize how much of your life is on your computer until you lose it........

Monday, November 21, 2005

More snow is coming my way......yippeee......(yuck).........

Like my title states..More freaking snow. Good thing I have no super duper plans. Okay well I did plan on going shopping on Black Friday but not in this nasty weather we are predicted to get. I can get a lot of the deals on the websites of the stores that I would go to anyway. It is supposed to start snowing tomorrow and not stop for almost a week. Now mind you this is what the local weather stations are saying and they have definitely been known to be wrong. So I guess I will have to take what comes. At least I won't have to worry about my children riding the bus simply because they have the entire week off from school. It has its down sides too though. I'm not used to dealing with all of them just got back into the old routine from after summer break. Oh well I am the mom aren't I?? so it is after all my responsibility to take care of MY children!!!

Oh I want to throw one more bitch about the Larry King show in here. I just remembered how they were all saying how a simple traffic ticket was worse than MS!!!! Yeah right what the freak ever. The doctor on that show didn't help with my hopes that maybe someday in my lifetime there would be a cure. If you guys wanna read the transcripts on this show click here. Maybe to some of you I'm complaining too much about it. Let me tell you I just read the transcript it didn't piss me off as much as watching this damn show did. I know that there is quite the bitch session about it on a few of my message boards. Most especially the message boards that the people like me belong to the people with an aggressive and progressive form of this disease. Oh well though what can we do about it but bitch, moan, and complain?? I personally feel that I at least deserve that much. I have been strong about this MS shit for almost 5 years have not really been in that self pity, poor poor me kinda mode in forever. So dammit I deserve it for once!!!!!

Tomorrow I have to go all the way to Buffalo to Buffalo General Hospital which is where my MS specialists office is and where I will be getting my surgery. I have to go all the way there to get 2 tubes of blood taken for my pre-op. testing. That is just plumb crazy if you ask me a 2 hour drive for 2 tubes of blood??? Ironic if anything. The whole reason I am getting this surgery is because my veins are shot!!! They just collapse at even the sight of a needle. I used to have good veins. But almost 5 years of bing poked and prodded and this IV and that IV my veins have checked out!!!!

I am finally going to get my flu shot this week, Good thing that mine was already on reserve because yet again NY state (at least my area) is dry on the flu shot. Guess maybe they need to start ordering more??
Skipped my Rebif Friday night. Not purposely..so don't holler at me. I simply was beat from the long emotional week I had and just almost literally passed out. Quorry said he "woke" me like 4 times and everytime I said no I can just do it tomorrow. He said he would have done it anyway except for I was laying on the arm that I prepped with my new found best friend (the lidocaine patch). I didn't even do it Saturday either. I figured I would just do it tonight. I know I am not supposed to do that but it is my first time since starting this drug that I completely skipped a dose. I have skipped a Friday once before and did do on Saturday. Other than that time and this last Friday I have been right on schedule. I even do it at the same time too.........

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Snow is gone and temps have raised almost 20+ degrees............So answer me this........

Why is this great news not making me feel any better emotionally??? I am trying my damndest to be more positive. I guess I forget how hard it really can be sometimes to be positive. Since I am on focusing on this negative part of me right now I need to bitch BIG about the Larry King Live show last night. I watched it because I knew that again it would be about MS. I have watched every episode of his show that has been about MS since my diagnoses. Well this particular one had Terri Garr on it and man how do I hate thee!!! Sorry Terri but you have got to be the most annoying MS Advocate. She's always saying be positive blah blah blah. Yes we all know easier said than done and sometimes we need to be negative just for a moment to maybe snap back into reality ya know? Then Clay Walker bless his heart but I now longer care for him either. He was saying I agree with Terri we need to be positive. Then he goes into how hard it has been at moments...and oh by the way he did make sure to mention that he has not had a relapse in 5 freakin years. how in the hell has MS been sooo freakin hard on him ???? Even Richard Cohen who is legally blind from MS is sitting here saying be positive. Okay from him I can honestly think okay maybe I do not have this soooo bad. You know Montel Williams has had a very emotional heartfelt show on MS that made me cry. He was promoting his new book about MS so what did I do? I rushed to Barnes & Nobles the very next day and bought the book. What a huge disappointment it was. What a waste of $35.00 if you ask me. Poor poor Montel. Who by the way has not had a relapse in forever. His book made me cry in disgust not pity for him. I'm thankful to him for his MS foundation that he has where he claims all of the money goes to MS research which him having MS leads me to believe that fact. Many praises to Meredith Viera who has stuck by her husband's (Richard Cohen) side for 33 years with this devastating disease. She by the way took Larry King's place last night on the show.

Okay think I am done bitching about MS for the moment. Didn't say I was done bitching though. I was sooooo mean and nasty to my husband this morning. I feel bad. I was asking all the kids to tell me what they wanted for dinner since well me not having the greatest of appetite for months hate choosing dinner. Of course none of them knew so I asked Quorry. He said well let me go outside first and look to see what we have. See my big chest freezer is outside in my garage. He came in with boneless pork chops. Fine by me but wouldn't be by him. The bad thing about this slab of meat is for the most part it is always so dry. I told him that too. I said why in the hell out of all the meat packed into that freezer do you choose this? He says you told me to choose what I wanted so I did. Then I said well I'm not going to cook something that you are just gonna bitch about because it will be dry. Then he says why in the hell did you buy it then? I then explained to him why..blah blah blah...Anyway I was really mean and nasty and was just yelling at him told him that I was just not gonna make dinner at all then. He got into his truck and left to go hunting. He came back like 5 minutes later because he forgot something. I apologized and told him I would make something with these chops so they would not be too dry. All was forgiven. Why? I don't know why he puts up with my shit sometimes. But he does so must be he really does love me. Thank God for that I don't know what I would do without him!!!!

I have still yet to make it to BJ's. Plainly that sucks. There were a few things there that I really wanted and spent like 300 dollars at the regular grocery store the other day. Oh well I still have a lil money on reserve for BJ's. A little is all too. Maybe this upcoming week? Not sure though as my kids have the entire week off from school for Thanksgiving break. I know that Tuesday I have to go to the hospital for the pre-operation testing. I know for sure that they will be taking blood. Most likely doing EKG and MUGA scan too. See I have to have cardiac clearance for the surgery to get my mediport. My heart was fine perfectly normal on my very first MUGA scan but I'm afraid that the Novantrone made its mark on my heart. I am hoping for more reasons than my upcoming surgery that my heart is still at least stable. We shall see.......

Friday, November 18, 2005

How is waking up to THIS supposed to help my depression?????


This winter is coming way too early!!! The freezing weather always puts me in a down mood. So I wonder how in the hell I am gonna handle my normal down mood on top of this depression shit. I guess your guess is as good as mine!! It could have been worse for me I suppose weather wise. There were a lot of other towns that got FEET of snow that is crazy. These temperatures are freakin crazy. Too cold to say the least. I think that I may finally give in and call my neuro's office to get some antidepressants..some that may work for me without causing these horrible feelings that I have had on the last few that I have been on. Guess I will just have to wait and see....first have to try to get a hold of my Neuro then getting a prescription should be a piece of cake.

Just got off the phone with my sister-in-law and man is she a bitch. Laughing at the fact that it is freezing here and that there is snow on the ground. See she lives In Hollywood, CA. She was here last year shortly before x-mas and she says she will never come here in the fall or the winter ever again. She was also here in August and was complaining that it was too hot. She is just like me the weather is never good enough for us I guess, My MIL is going there to visit leaving on the 1st of December. Lucky Lucky her.

I have this dilemma for my daughter's birthday party and plainly it SUCKS!!! See Quorry has 4 brothers one of which is only 6. Okay now his brother Josh and his girlfriend Erin come here all the time from Buffalo to visit and hang out. Remember we are still young so yes we do still hang out..I mean I'm 25 and Quorry just turned 24. Anyway his brother Shawn has a girlfriend oh excuse me fiance Ashley. Well Shawn and Josh got into a fight over stupid shit and Ashley claims that Josh punched her and scratched her. Ok he did put his hand through her windshield. She then called the police and pressed charges and put a TRO on him. So now Josh is not allowed around Ashley. Which sucks because his mom and dad won't even let him at their house. This crap is ridiculous. Brothers should not let a girl get in there bond of brotherhood..but they did. So my dilemma is this I would like for Shawn to come to Kaylee's b-day party and Shawn isn't allowed to go anywhere without Ashley. Shawn is the only one aside from us with children he has a beautiful daughter Jenna (not with Ashley) and Kaylee was at Jenna's b-day party. So of course I want Shawn to come with Jenna and like I said he can't go anywhere without Ashley. Josh and Erin like I said come here ALL the time!!! Erin absolutely adores Kaylee and you can see that Kaylee feels the same about her. This may sound selfish or even materialistic..but Erin has spent gobs of money on Kaylee's b-day presents. So it definitely would break her heart if she wasn't invited. So I did invite Josh and Erin last night. Now my next call is to Shawn telling him that he and Jenna can come but Ashley can't because Josh will be here and SHE will be the one breaking the TRO if she comes here knowing full well that Josh is here. At least Quorry's other brother Andrew is definitely coming also with his girlfriend and her son Jeffrey. So I know for sure that 2 of his 4 brothers will be here. The 6 year old I highly doubt because his Dad probably won't drive the 40 minutes to come to her party. Oh well even if no one comes I am still having a birthday party for my daughter. I hate that her birthday if only 5 days before x-mas. It sucks for her!! I remember when I was a kid I didn't feel that my birthday was as important as everyone else's because x-mas overshadowed my b-day. Mind you mine is 11 days before x-mas not 5!! So that is why I have had her first 2 b-day parties a couple weeks before her b-day so she could feel like her b-day is special. This year I am having it on December 2nd. Hopefully the weather will make it possible for everyone to come. We shall see..........

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I don't think that I like this bumpy bumpy road I'm starting to travel..........

Strange title I know. The bumpy bumpy road I am speaking of happens to be the road of the Great Depression!!! I am definitely without a doubt DEPRESSED!!! I spoke with my mom about this the other night. She insists that I go back on an antidepressant. Screw all that bull. Everytime I go on one I go crazy and get a little homicidal. I have to be honest that I was very strange and very irate and had homicidal vs. suicidal thoughts on the Wellbutrin XL. I guess the only good that came from that medicine for me is I quit smoking while on it. So now what to do?? I know I have to do something. This crying at any given moment and thinking that everyone would be better off without me is not gonna work! I can't handle this shit another day I think. My husband has been pretty supportive considering I have been so nasty to him. I have my moments where I think why in the hell is he not helping me? I'm not sure if it is my emotional state of mind that is making me think that he is not helping me at all. I don't mean helping with the MS just helping me in general like a man should help his wife the mother of his children. I hate feeling these feelings of almost hate towards him. I HATE IT!!! I know that I LOVE him more than life itself so why do I HATE him at times?? Who knows I know that I have to do something!!! Maybe stop this stupid interferon shit maybe that will help me? I hate doing the shots they still hurt so much and I know that they are the culprit of my distressed emotional state. So what to do? There is no proof that this Rebif is even helping me or is there? I don't know I am sooooooo lost if you can't tell. Which makes traveling down this road even harder. If I knew where I was going maybe I could make it down this road a little faster and easier and intact. At least today I am outta bed. That is a plus compared to yesterday. I know that I have to get outta bed tomorrow as my mom and I are going out shopping. I wish that shopping would make me feel better, but I know that it won't.

I know that I need to shop for a new car to help make this road even easier to travel...maybe one with GPS?? So I don't get completely lost in the psych ward which is where I have almost traveled one to many times.......




How can I be too depressed with a happy beautiful little girl like this?? I don't know but I am!!!

Monday, November 14, 2005

ever seen the movie " The Cable Guy"??......mine wasn't so bad but I'm still pissed......

Okay last week after the millionth time of losing my satellite signal we decided screw satellite..cable here we come. Okay they have a great deal I can get cable on all 4 tv's in the house for free installation if I go with the Bronze package. Okay sounds good to me and for 3 months get FREE Dvr. Okay whatever don't need the DVR but will accept for the free 3 months. The installer comes today in a rush because he did not leave the office for an hour and a half later than he was supposed to be here. Can you please tell me how that is my fault?? On top of him being in a rush he was quite an asshole too. He tells me that there was never any kids of deal like the one I mentioned to him. Yeah okay then why in the hell would I be saying something like that How would I know all the details about it?? So I was none to polite to him...I know 2 wrongs do not make a right...but Karma sucks and it will be sucky for him not me!!!! So anyway I am going to call the cable company and see what they have to say. hopefully they will not offer me their high speed internet again. I told them at least 50 times I already have DSL which is plenty fast enough for me

Went out to lunch today at Pizza Hut with my MIL and my baby girl. We then went shopping around the dollar stores in our area. Mostly got barbies for Kaylee and a few ohter lil things for my MIL and myself. Tomorrow we are definitely going to make our trip to BJ's and possibly Big Lots and Staples. Hopefully I get better sleep tonight then I did last night!!!

Well December 6th is my surgery date!!! For my mediport that is. What really sucks is that I have to be at the hospital by 5:30 a.m. for my surgery at 7:30. Ok that is fine by me with the exception of the 2 hour drive. So that means we have to leave my house at 3:30 a.m. My mom is going to be the one to take me as Quorry will get the kids off to school and he has to pick his mom up from the airport that day at noon because she will just be gettin home from California.

I felt like crap yesterday. CAll it a lil sleep the night before or the fact that my monthly visitor was here, or the fact that my sister and her bratty kids were here, or just the fact I was in a lot of pain. Either way no matter the reason I did not feel too well!!!! Not feeling GREAT today but better we shall see what tomorrow brings......

Friday, November 11, 2005

THIS JUST IN...IT'S JUST IN...WAIT REBIF JUST WAS A KNOCKIN ON MY DOOR......

****Please read the previous post then come back to this one....****

I got my Rebif delivered today just as was promised to me this morning. A lot of stress released off of my shoulders. I now know I will not have to miss any of my shots.

This is just in too man am I grouchy I really NEED to get the hell out of my house before I A)hurt my self B) hurt one of the kids (emotionally that is) C)Divorce my hubby who is not even here D) Disown every one that I know because they all suck!!!! (Oh none of you guys reading)
Sorry just really having a bad depressing kinda day!!!Haven't even been able to make it to the shower yet...ewwww and god knows I definitely need one after all the cleaning and sweating I did today with my super steroids energy that I was planning on using to shop. Maybe I can find someone else to get me out of my torture chamber??? what do u think??

Supposed to get the Rebif today....we shall see........

Called Curascript today to see where in the hell it was because as of last Thursday they called telling me it was time for a refill. Oh yeah I am that stupid to not know that I NEED a refill!!!I guess that is one of the benefits of Curascript as annoying as it can get sometimes. Plus the added benefit of it being delivered to my door it is only an extra $3 copay well worth it with gas prices these days. My hungry bitch of a Durango would eat up like 5-7 just to go to the Pharmacy. Anyway back to the point of this semi-bitch session. I called Curascript this morning because last Thursday they said it would be delivered on Wednesday this week. They said it is on it's way via Fed -Ex and I WILL have it today. We shall see if I don't there will be hell to pay someone is gonna either lose an eye, maybe an ear after I chew it off and let me tell you I pray it is not a gentleman I have to rip a new one because he might lose a much needed accessory to produce offspring who knows?? Remember that I got steroids yesterday so I am super strong..LOL!!!

I got rid of that nasty after taste of Steroids with my coffee I was drinking before, during, and after. I did notice that a good Quesadilla dinner that I make and made last night did not taste anything close to what it typically does. Everyone said I was crazy so must have been the 'roids. I of course got the nice no sleep till Brooklyn I mean no sleep till like 4am and my daughter came in my room at around 5:30 . Mommy I peed. So I had to get her new pajamas and a new pull up. She was doing so good at night until just this week. She has peed every night, where last week made it her 5 week running with no peeing at night. Oh well she is Potty trained at least. So guess I can not complain too much right??

Was supposed to go shopping at Big Lots and BJ's and maybe Wal mart with my MIL today. Was so looking forward to it nice to get out of the house especially when it has been confirmed that I am definitely depressed. But she called me this morning saying she had to cancel on me. It wasn't too heartbreaking as everyone always makes plans with me when I can actually participate and they ALWAYS cancel on me. Then when I can not do things like shopping they will be like well why don't we do that thing that we were supposed to do last week but I canceled on you. That is frustrating but oh well what are you gonna do?? So I just give up on making any plans with anyone.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Steroids today.....only by the grace of Spence and God........

Well I say that because of this new so called "insurance" more like unassurance to me. Spence the wheelchair guy has been helping me try to conquer this mountain. We spoke on Tuesday morning and he asked me if I made any headway yet and of course the answer was still NO, he said ok here is what you need to do....call Crappy insurance company demand to speak to the supervisor of the super great agent who falsely enrolled you. If you are refused that option call me back because my wife used to work for said insurance company and there for I know people high up the chain of command and you could also get in touch with Eliot Spitzer and you see how fast shit will be taken care of!!!! Well thankfully it did not have to go as far as the NY State Attorney General. I did get in touch with the supervisor and she said that I will be disenrolled as of Dec. 1st. Dec. 1st? are you efin kidding me?? That still poses problems for my upcoming surgery, my wheechair, my steroids, my nurse, and most importantly my REBIF!!!! She said well all I have to do is call her back with the all the details on the Rebif, steroids, and nurse and she will make sure it happens. As for the wheelchair and surgery guess I am SOL at least till after Dec. 1st. Okay so I have gotten the steroids and nurse situation taken care of....but still not a word from anyone regarding the Rebif which by the way I have enough left for Friday and Monday then I'm out completely OUT!!! So we shall see what happens now. I will probably be on the phone again all damn day with Curascript , neuro's office and god knows who the hell else. All I know is if I do not get this refill there will be a phone call to Eliot Spitzer!!!! All of this can not be good for my stress level at all!!!!!!!!!!!!
K well explained Spence's role in my getting steroids now to explain God's role.....

Well you see there was a tornado warning for my county last night. Well I really wasn't that worried as we have had 3 of those warnings in the past 2 weeks. With no tornadoes. Well last night was different you see. I was tuned onto the news like I always am at 5pm and the weather guy says Machias, Delevan, East Otto, and McKinstry Hollow take warning that there is most likely going to be a tornado as the weather conditions are perfect for it in these towns. Now I live in Machias, Mind you where I live is very rural so like East Otto is right over the hill from me Delevan is less than 5 miles and McKinstry Hollow well that is the street next to mine. If I was steady enough on my feet I could walk there. It was raining pretty bad all day and the wind forces have already been horendous for the last 3 or 4 days. So we still weren't too worried. Until we hear this horrible horrible wind, it scared the living shit out of me!!! Then the weather guy comes back on saying we just got an unconfirmed report that a twister touched down in Machias!!! Hello scare me even more why don't you..I mean I live in Machias have 3 small scared kids and a very (thank god) calming type husband trying to protect all of us. Then next thing you know they lifted the warning and everything calmed down which scared me even more!!! You know the calm before the storm crap?? Needless to say I am here I am alive and thanks to God am able to get my steroids today.......(because I am here and alive).......

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

turkey or Rebif.....hmm..Thanksgiving has so many more meanings to me this year.....

Last night my husband and I were watching the local news and I heard the reporter say up next after the break ...Turkey and Tryptophan..not just for making you sleepy... So I was like ok cool I'm gonna still finish watching the news who gives a crap about the other stuff turkey can do? It's not gonna help me feel any better. Well what an ass I felt like when they came back on air. They said the same thing not just for making you sleepy..researchers thin it maight help people with MS!!! I was like honey am I hearing shit??He said no..now don't you feel like an ass..and of course I did but was not gonna confirm that to him I am not stupid!!! So Turkey here I come..I love it anyway and I always make the Thanksgiving dinner for my family. So I guess they tried the amino acids in the turkey on mice models and it has some maybe benefits to US!!!

Last night Kaylee was being such a brat she was so extremely tired so that did not help matters at all. I was attempting to read the story of the First Thanksgiving to Bradley and all she would do was kick him and hit him. So I interrupted our story to punish her by making her sit on the florr right next to me so I could control her and continue to read to him. Well she was crabby like I said and she got up and ran around the other side of the couch towards the rocking chair and foot stool. Well like I said she was running and very tired and very pissed off..well all of the sudden she tripped over nothing because there was nothing for her to trip on....anyway she went forehead first into the foot stool and BAM!! I freaked out she hit really hard had a HUGE gooseegg on her forehead with the pattern of the fabric that covers the footstool. Oh I felt soooo bad for her and was so afraid to let her go to sleep. I called her doctor and he said it she was tired before she hit her head it was ok to let her go to sleep. He said to just keep an eye on her. So after I got off the phone with the doctor I put her in her bed and she was out after watching an episode of Dora in her room. I was up all night checking in on her and everytime I did the goose egg was much smaller. This morning the only reminants of the said goose egg bump is the pattern of the fabric on the foot stool. It just looks like some broken blood vessels. There is no doubt in my mind that there is gonna be one heck of a bruise. Poor lil girl. I have a perfect picture of her as an advocate for Copaxone....I loved the Copaxone but since I developed a hypersensitivity to it after 3 years had to stop it. I went to a seminar sponsored by Copaxone and they were passing out sun visors and water bottles and Kaylee wears that damn visor all the time and that is the pic I got of her with the visor on!! Definitely not her best hair day..now remember she just got out of bed and had a very very rough night!!!

Friday, November 04, 2005

I used to know html...what the hell happened???

Man I have been trying to find a background aside from the ones that blogger offers. I found soooo many that I really wanted one in particular I fell in love with. My problem is I don't understand how to do any of this shit any more. I used to be so good at html but apparently it has changed A LOT since I messed with html crap. Now I just have to find someone who is willing to offer their (free)time to help me. That should be fun. So now I have to missions for the year you see I have already amde my new years resolutions. The first and most important to me is that I am damned determined to actually walk in my MS Walk this year vs. riding in my wheelcahir, next mission and resolution is to get theis beautiful template that I want. Stay tuned because I am sure that I will have more missions/resolutions soon.

So the insurance lady called me today and said that they can't cancel me until December 1st because they do theri insurance in 1 month increments. Assholes because of this crap I will be without Rebif for 3 weeks. That is not good. I know that this could be a mind over matter type situation but honestly since starting Rebif I feel a lil better and stronger MS wise. If it is mind over matter so what it's working. I still despise and dread the Rebif shot itself but I am still doing it. I know that I need to as everytday I'm progressiong more and more and the last thing that I want is to be PPMS or SPMS. PRMS is bad enough if you ask me!!

On a more pleasant note I spoke with Dave for almost 2 hours today and MSN messenger. We both had our webcams on. His accent is very sexy!!!! I have to get my new microphone so I can talk to everyone on either msn or yahoo. I ahd a really good time and really wanted to talk to Dave vs. type. It was a good time though. He is definitely a very sweet guy and very polite!!! Thanks Dave for making my afternoon!!!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

I am soooo lost.......

I got a phone call yesterday from Spence who is the man who came and measured me for my wheelchair. He said you want the good news or the bad news? I said well I am a big girl I can take both. He said that my insurance approved my wheelchair(hooray!!) but there is still an insurance problem. A lady that I spoke with and filled out paperwork with for a new insurance screwed me BIG time. You see I saw her at my son's open house and signed up with a new insurance company she said I have to come to your house next week to finalize everything for your coverage. She said that she would call me that week and see me the following week. Well in the meantime I researched this new insurance and found that they would not cover the home health care nurse coming here to give me my monthly infusions, won't cover my medi-port, I have to get a referral everytime I see my neurologist, won't cover my tubal ligation because it is a Catholic type insurance, won't cover half of my prescriptions. So you see she just finalized everything without my complete approval. It really pisses me off!!! I am due to get steroids (which is one of the drugs they don't cover)(don't forget they will not cover the nurse that does the infusion)sometime next week. I NEED them!!!! I have spoken with a million people from the insurance company explaining what happened and they told me that I have to speak with the lady that did this and tell her to cancel it. I have not been able to get ahold of her as she is not returning my phone calls at all!!! So now I have no idea what the hell I am gonna do???

I've been so not myself lately I am 100% positive it ahs to be depression..I wnet from crying 24/7 to being in the worst of moods with no desire to do anything at all!!! I am having a hard time being nice to anyone. Quorry has noticed more then anyone else..he tries to hold me at night and I push him away. Why? I have no idea I love it when he holds me. I hate feeling like this......

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Pics of my kids from yesterday......They are not the greatest......



This is definitely not the greatest of pictures but my camera wanted to be a pain in the ass yesterday.
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