Saturday, November 19, 2005

Snow is gone and temps have raised almost 20+ degrees............So answer me this........

Why is this great news not making me feel any better emotionally??? I am trying my damndest to be more positive. I guess I forget how hard it really can be sometimes to be positive. Since I am on focusing on this negative part of me right now I need to bitch BIG about the Larry King Live show last night. I watched it because I knew that again it would be about MS. I have watched every episode of his show that has been about MS since my diagnoses. Well this particular one had Terri Garr on it and man how do I hate thee!!! Sorry Terri but you have got to be the most annoying MS Advocate. She's always saying be positive blah blah blah. Yes we all know easier said than done and sometimes we need to be negative just for a moment to maybe snap back into reality ya know? Then Clay Walker bless his heart but I now longer care for him either. He was saying I agree with Terri we need to be positive. Then he goes into how hard it has been at moments...and oh by the way he did make sure to mention that he has not had a relapse in 5 freakin years. how in the hell has MS been sooo freakin hard on him ???? Even Richard Cohen who is legally blind from MS is sitting here saying be positive. Okay from him I can honestly think okay maybe I do not have this soooo bad. You know Montel Williams has had a very emotional heartfelt show on MS that made me cry. He was promoting his new book about MS so what did I do? I rushed to Barnes & Nobles the very next day and bought the book. What a huge disappointment it was. What a waste of $35.00 if you ask me. Poor poor Montel. Who by the way has not had a relapse in forever. His book made me cry in disgust not pity for him. I'm thankful to him for his MS foundation that he has where he claims all of the money goes to MS research which him having MS leads me to believe that fact. Many praises to Meredith Viera who has stuck by her husband's (Richard Cohen) side for 33 years with this devastating disease. She by the way took Larry King's place last night on the show.

Okay think I am done bitching about MS for the moment. Didn't say I was done bitching though. I was sooooo mean and nasty to my husband this morning. I feel bad. I was asking all the kids to tell me what they wanted for dinner since well me not having the greatest of appetite for months hate choosing dinner. Of course none of them knew so I asked Quorry. He said well let me go outside first and look to see what we have. See my big chest freezer is outside in my garage. He came in with boneless pork chops. Fine by me but wouldn't be by him. The bad thing about this slab of meat is for the most part it is always so dry. I told him that too. I said why in the hell out of all the meat packed into that freezer do you choose this? He says you told me to choose what I wanted so I did. Then I said well I'm not going to cook something that you are just gonna bitch about because it will be dry. Then he says why in the hell did you buy it then? I then explained to him why..blah blah blah...Anyway I was really mean and nasty and was just yelling at him told him that I was just not gonna make dinner at all then. He got into his truck and left to go hunting. He came back like 5 minutes later because he forgot something. I apologized and told him I would make something with these chops so they would not be too dry. All was forgiven. Why? I don't know why he puts up with my shit sometimes. But he does so must be he really does love me. Thank God for that I don't know what I would do without him!!!!

I have still yet to make it to BJ's. Plainly that sucks. There were a few things there that I really wanted and spent like 300 dollars at the regular grocery store the other day. Oh well I still have a lil money on reserve for BJ's. A little is all too. Maybe this upcoming week? Not sure though as my kids have the entire week off from school for Thanksgiving break. I know that Tuesday I have to go to the hospital for the pre-operation testing. I know for sure that they will be taking blood. Most likely doing EKG and MUGA scan too. See I have to have cardiac clearance for the surgery to get my mediport. My heart was fine perfectly normal on my very first MUGA scan but I'm afraid that the Novantrone made its mark on my heart. I am hoping for more reasons than my upcoming surgery that my heart is still at least stable. We shall see.......


Blogger "B" said...

oh amanda.......... HUGS... i totally see were you came from with that show last night but i si back and look at rishard who has been fighting this for 33 yrs and wonder if he can do it so can i ... oh how i knoe its hard.. lol today has been the first day sense my dx that i havent said one ting bad about me and my ms.... it feels good to let me tell ya oh but ill sit get mad at myself and post you know i will well take care girl

8:34 PM  
Blogger personallog! said...

Hi Buddy! I wish I had something to say that would make you feel a bit better! Yes he does love can tell by what you post! Just keep your head up and look forward to the next step!Keep smiling babe!

1:52 PM  
Blogger amanda said...

thanks. Hey this is not how it is supposed to be!! I told you that I would help you deal with this crap specially the blue stuff cuz I've been there and done that.

Thanks ya know we all have our weak moments and I'm afraid that is what I have been having.

9:55 AM  
Blogger amanda said...

Oh Dave you always do make me feel better for the moment. I think maybe this is something I have to work out in my head. Don't know what has gotten to me,

Usually I am the strong one not the weak one sitting in the corner crying!!! thanks so much for your great friendship!!!

9:56 AM  

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