Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I give up.....and today is not the day to feel this way....

Well I am referring to yesterday's appointment of course. Ok to start my day off I was terrified, in more pain than ever and wondering how in the hell I was gonna get to this important emergency appt. That I HAD to make. My mom was not home to take me I'm assuming that she was at work. Quorry could not take me as he had to work (he would have taken me if that is what it would have came down to) so I called my mother- in- law and asked her. She said yeah but tomorrow would be better for me. I said well I have an appointment for 2 today, so she said yes and that my father in law would watch Kaylee and in case we weren't gonna be back for the boys he would come here and watch them till we got back. I already knew that we were not gonna be back for the boys as Andrew gets home at like 10 to 3. That is a whole different issue with Andrew and my FIL. I will explain in a bit. Anyway Quorry's Aunt Kelly was gonna go with us to the doctor which that's cool someone else to chat with on the way. Anyway we get there and I'm called back. The usual blood pressure, weight(which I got bitched at again because I lost 7 lbs again it has been 2 months since I was last weighed), questions like why was I there and the timed walk they make me do. Then the doctor came and pretty much asked the same questions. She spent a lot of time examining my eyes which definitely scared the living piss out of me!! She then did the normal Neurological Examine that I could probably be hired to do as I'm so familiar with it. She said it was way bad compared to the last one from January. In January I had 95%strength in both sides of my body of a normal 26 year old. Yesteday my right side was 98%weaker than my left side and my left side wasn't too much different than before. She wanted me to get an MRI yesterday which would have been great I could have gotten some uninterrupted sleep. She also wanted me to get an EEG and a visual response test. Great I can now get the correct treatment right?? WRONG!!DEAD WRONG!!!

Before I was called back to the examining room my MIL's "friend" called her and said that once again her husband beat her and she was at my MIL's house and hurry home please. So I had to make all these stupid bullshit excuses as to why I could not get any of these tests done that hello duh could have told me and the dr. that maybe steroids would not be enough. I promised myself that I would not let her do this again. She brags and says blah blah blah ooppps sorry that translates to " My family comes first", yeah BULLSHIT!!! I'm sorry that her "friend" which by the way if only she knew the shit that this "friend" has talked about her in the past and the things that she has told her husband she would probably be floored. Anyway I'm sorry that her "friend(s)" are soooo much more important than family. Of course she will deny that but in the past few months alone she has proven the complete opposite to me!!
I of course feel selfish saying all of this!!! But she said that she would help me through my rough times and well all she did for me yesterday was help me have rough times. I wish that she would have just told me no to take me to the doctor rather than take me for basically no reason. Honestly I did not find anything out while there that I didn't already know. I knew before I went that I was heading in for on hell of a relapse. Basically that is all that I found out yesterday due to the fact that I could not get any of the appropriate testing done. So for now it is another 3 days if steroids and to call if things proceed to get worse, if I pass out again and if my sleeping does not get any better or if my appetite does not get any better. I could tell by the way the doctor was she wasn't telling me something but I wasn't asking any questions as I was tired, in pain and down right exhausted. I did however get the call today that maybe I should get a treatment of the chemo. I'm so happy that they are giving me this option as I LOVE the chemo I feel like a normal person afterwards. They are going to decide based on results. From what I was told today things are only going to get a lot worse way before they get even a little better. Story of my life eh? This feels sorta like deja vous. Almost a year ago the same thing happened almost exactly to a T. but whatcha gonna do??
The way I am looking at things right now my family can go fuck themselves (another selfish moment??) I am there when they need me to be. I keep my MIL's secrets and believe me you she has many. Same with my FIL. yeah maybe that is different then doing the physical things but what do you want from someone who can't even walk to the bathroom by herself??

Ok now onto my FIL he thought it would be ok to let Andrew stay home by himself for an hours or so because and I quote " he is 11 years old he is old enough and mature enough to be home alone for that long". Ok maybe I would agree if A) Andrew showed some responsibility B) Old enough my ass he is 11 years old for christs sake!! so my FIL and I had a little argument before I went to dr. Then my MIL's Blazer started acting up again and because my Dad fixed it, it was all his fault in my FIL's eyes. And let me tell you he made sure that I knew that. If he wants to talk shit about his mechanic well power to him but his mechanic is my Dad so don't talk the shit to me. All I would have to do is call my Dad tell him all the shit that my FIL has talked about him and all the bad things he tells everyone else about his experiences and my Dad would be DONE with them. I would put more details in here about it but my MIL reads this so I will not.

So anyway my day was wasted yesterday..and every day when someone with MS is like this makes one hell of a difference....

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