Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I wish I knew what in the hell was going on......

I know it has been a little while since I last posted and I want nothing more then to get back to my "old" posting ways..but this damned MS doesn't want that happen!!! Apparently neither does my computer as of late. K where did I leave off last time...Oh yeah how could I forget the horrible pain from the worst needle poke to date and spring freakin break!!!
K I will tell continue to tell a little more about the spring break situation. Thursday was a fine day with the kids they just learned to re-adapt I believe to each other of else God came down and gave me a lil extra help I like to believe both of these scenarios. Also Friday was ok plus it helped that Quorry was here to help me a lil bit too. Saturday we being the kids and I cleaned the yard (back yard where all the toys go in summer time along with trampoline and pool) of Buddy's gifts that he left EVERYWHERE!!!! Let me tell you I used more spoons in the first hour than 5 soup restaurants carry. My legs weren't hurting more than they always do but let me tell you I could feel the weakness creeping and it wasn't slow either. My problem is that when I start a project I do NOT stop until said project is completed no matter the circumstances no spoons or not!!! So now I'm still paying the price..Why do I have to be so damned stubborn?? Can anyone tell me the answer to this question??Monday everything was back to norm on the homefront..kids back in school and peace was restored...Thank GOD!!!!

K now to the horrible pain of that damned poke from last week. First Sheila had to take the tubes of blood to check for the norm things before the Novantrone. That was on Wednesday..Then Thursday I get a call that 2 of the tubes of blood had clotted and were no good and could not be tested and could Anoinette (another one of my home health care nurses) come Friday to get the blood. I told her sure but no way in hell was anyone EVER touching me in my medi-port as the pain was enough to give me nightmares literally!!! She said well I was hoping that you would not mind me taking the blood the ole' fashioned way..I responded with you can blow 25 veins but you are not touching my medi-port!!! So she came Friday and had absolutely NO problems accessing my vein. That I was sooo incredibly grateful for too. So with the blood work being so late to reach my dr's office I knew the that original projected plan was not going to happened as yesterday was the day that I was to get the chemo. Anyway today was the day and I honestly was a closer to getting over the fear of being poked in my medi-port because 1st of all 3 bags of fluid have to be ran to get Novantrone and I was more afraid I think that my veins would collapse badly to all of that hoopla. So hen yesterday Linda (yep another one of my nurses) called and said that she would be here today at 9 a lot of my fears came rushing back. I have only ever had Sheila to be the one to access my medi-port so yeah I was SCARED!!!!I told Quorry that no one was gonna touch me there but Sheila and if she was not going to be the one visiting then something else had to be figured out for the way the chemo was going to be given. Yes I know stubborn and a whole lot of being childish played a big role but you know what it is MS body and damn it I just want to be in some control over MY own body and honestly that is really the only control I can have over MY own body!!! So this morning I woke up trying so hard to have positive attitude over the whole situation as hard as that it is and was and put some of my lidocaine cream over the access spot for my medi-port and figured I would let Linda who by the way had been my nurse for over 4 years and I truly trust her having my life in her hands if you will. Well I'm glad that I got over all the shit about being a "baby" and just let her "poke" me and honestly all I felt was the pressure NO PAIN!!! I again had tears I think maybe because it was a huge stress release and stress and MS well you know are not a good combination. Everything went perfectly fine and I got my chemo. Only bad thing is now I feel like shit feel like I'm going to puke up the hardly nothing that I ate (bagel for breakfast)today and know that I will be awake all night feeling like shit thanks to the damn steroids that are required with Chemotherapy. Fun but just another day in my MS life I suppose......


Blogger Jaime said...

I am can SO understand that need to have some control over your life. I am a huge control freak! I think in some ways I always have been, but since my diagnosis I have gotten much worse. I truly believe it has to do with my need to have control over something because of my inability to control so many things now due to the MS.

I am sorry you have had so much stress recently, but I am glad to hear that has settled a bit and you did not have pain with the chemo today! That is great news. Please take care of yourself and try to get some rest, once the steroids wear off, that is :) You will be in my thoughts and prayers. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. Jaime

3:52 AM  
Blogger personallog! said...

Stress and ms....Its poo but its part of the whole package. I think we have just to cut down on the stress as much as we can and try to live the best life that we can. Makes interesting reading but its crap to go through. I am here for you too!(as always)


9:52 AM  

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