Wednesday, September 06, 2006

had to make a VERY tough decision.....

not that I wanted to have to make the hardest decision in my ENTIRE life...but I HAD to for my own benefit. I decided to go for the Tysabri. I guess what (strangely enough) made me chose this path was because I have 4 kids I can't be in the hospital for 8 days every month. Foolish maybe but really I had to make this decision with no other "help". It has been very very very hard to do. In all honesty I'm not even sure if this is what I want to do...not sure if I want to do either of my options. I do trust my dr's and know if they say I need something well then I's not too hard for me or anyone else (my 3 yr. old included ) to notice that my MS gets worse everyday. I just don't know anymore what to do about anything, I know that my depression gets deeper and stronger every day and sometimes I think if suicide wasn't the most selfish fucking act I think that would be the choice I would make. I do have 4 kids that need me wheelchair or not, both legs working or not my vision bad or good, my hands working or not THEY NEED THEIR MOMMY!!!!
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